How do you know when you are ready to start trying again? I would imagine if it came early to you the first time, not much thought has to go into it.
But, as we all know, that isn't the case for me or probably anyone else reading this blog!
When I went to see Dr. P last week, my main complaint was my freaking LONG cycles again, I am talking 45-50 days. So, she suggested testing my prolactin which was borderline high before, and possibly going back on Bromocriptine. Fast forward Monday, and I got a phone call my prolactin is NORMAL. That should be a good thing, except now there is no reason for my ridiculous cycles. Along with that, I am now bleeding (for the past 3 cycles) around cd 14-15 AFTER I have already gotten my period, and it lasts about 2-3 days. That has never happened before.
I can already feel it. I already feel myself getting tense about all this stuff. P wants to try on our own these next few months before we do our frozen in October (hopefully.) He thinks we are going to be "that couple" who magically gets pregnant after having to go through fertility for the first one. I am trying to explain to him, if my cycles are this long (and I am having mid-cycle bleeding) my egg(s) will suck. Not to mentions he also has fertility issues. I am all for giving it a go, but I refuse to get my hopes up like last time, so I guess I am just going to go through the motions? Ick...
I asked Dr. P what she thought and she thinks after seeing my normal prolactin levels that there may be something else going on. UGH. I have an appt. next month with my new doctor and just don't feel like dealing with it before then so I am just going to wait it out and see what happens.
Having Harper this time around makes it all a little different. I have her. And she is the best thing to ever happen to me. I will not let the stress of trying for a new baby overcome me. I refuse to let her feel even a little bit of it.
Now, talk to me in a few months and see where I am at :) haha
This weekend I will try and blog about what Harper's first year was like, I am really sad I didn't blog monthly updates like many of you did.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Anyone still here??
It's been almost a year since my last post!
In that year so much has happened! Including harpers first brithday! She is one! I have a one year old.
I have been following most of you all along, although I know many of you have gone private and I have not followed through with emailing you to follow your new blogs and that makes me sad. So many of you have had or are having babies and I cannot believe it and am so very excited for you.
I found out Dr. P is leaving my fertility clinic so I squeezed in one last consult with her last week. We are not ready to pursue treatments again yet but I wanted to get my feet in the door. We have one frozen embryo. Chances are definitely not as good with a frozen versus a fresh but there's no reason to worry about it now. I am thinking of moving forward with the frozen in the fall and if it doesn't work, taking a break around the holidays and then pursuing another round of ivf come January/February although it makes me sick to even think about it.
Harper has proven to be just like her mommy this first year: intense, clingy, and knows what she wants. I went back to work after 9 months at home with her and although it has been nice for me to put some time and energy back into work I miss her like crazy, almost as much as she misses me!
I have so much more to write about but I really just wanted to reconnect. I think of so many of you
often and miss being a part of this. So, I'm back!
In that year so much has happened! Including harpers first brithday! She is one! I have a one year old.
I have been following most of you all along, although I know many of you have gone private and I have not followed through with emailing you to follow your new blogs and that makes me sad. So many of you have had or are having babies and I cannot believe it and am so very excited for you.
I found out Dr. P is leaving my fertility clinic so I squeezed in one last consult with her last week. We are not ready to pursue treatments again yet but I wanted to get my feet in the door. We have one frozen embryo. Chances are definitely not as good with a frozen versus a fresh but there's no reason to worry about it now. I am thinking of moving forward with the frozen in the fall and if it doesn't work, taking a break around the holidays and then pursuing another round of ivf come January/February although it makes me sick to even think about it.
Harper has proven to be just like her mommy this first year: intense, clingy, and knows what she wants. I went back to work after 9 months at home with her and although it has been nice for me to put some time and energy back into work I miss her like crazy, almost as much as she misses me!
I have so much more to write about but I really just wanted to reconnect. I think of so many of you
often and miss being a part of this. So, I'm back!
Sunday, December 1, 2013
FET #1
FET#1 (Nov-Dec 2014)
Nov. 18- begin taking estrace (2mg) by mouth 3x/day
Nov. 26- sore throat; go to walk-in clinic and given Clindamycin
Nov. 30-go in for u/s and b/w...lining is only 6.2 begin taking estrace 3x/day vaginally also
Dec. 4- go in for another u/s, everything looks good, lining is nice and thick (around 10)
- start PIO injections pm
- head to PCP, believes it is antibiotic rash (happened before with penicillin)
- start 7 day treatment of prednisone
- speak w/ RE; okay to start prednisone and continue PIO
Dec. 6-rash already improving (caught it early)
Dec. 9- Transfer Day (doctor commented everything went "perfect")
Dec. 19- Bloodwork confirms negative (tested a few days before)
And so begins IVF#2...
Monday, July 8, 2013
First Few Weeks with a Newborn
H is almost 3 months!! Where has the time gone...I should have written this post a long time ago but I just haven't sat down to do it until now.
Getting pregnant was not easy, my pregnancy was not easy, and although it only took 20 minutes to push H out, the actual childbirth experience wasn't easy so I am not sure why I expected the first few weeks at home to be any different!
The first two weeks were hard. REALLY HARD. Breastfeeding was not working, the only time she would latch was when I had someone else to help me (lactation consultant.) And that was extremely frustrating. I was in a lot of pain dealing with recovery from my third degree tear and my emotions were ALL over the place. I did not immediately fall in love with H. I loved her, but it wasn't what I expected. I waited all of 7 days before I realized I was not okay and I reached out to my doctor. She saw me quickly and agreed that it would be best for my to go on meds for a few months just to try and balance me out. Within a week after starting the meds and also coming to the decision that breastfeeding just wasn't working, I felt like a new person.
There is a big push to breastfeed, I did lots of research and I know the benefits and although I really wanted it to work, between her being tongue tied, battling depression, and having to pump every 2-3 hours 24 hours a day I just couldn't do it. For a day or two I felt selfish and then I realized it was the best decision I could have ever made. Both my husband and family were extremely supportive and H took to the Newborn Enfamil really well. AND, I was FINALLY bonding with my little girl.
What I have realized over these last few months is that important decisions like this are really no one else's business. What works for one family may or may not work for another, and that is OK. There is also nothing wrong with asking for help. I feel like I am a better mom because of those hard decisions I had to make so early on.
After getting past those first few weeks I have been head over heels in love with this little girl. I literally cannot get enough of her. She looks and acts very similarly to me and I just love it. She goes from calm to screaming her head off in 2 seconds when she is hungry or has had enough of something. She is full of smiles and all sorts of different expressions, even a few giggles here and there. This last week she has started to sleep through the night. Last night she went down at 7:30 pm, got up for a feed at 4:30 in the morning and then back down until 7 am.
There is so much more I want to say but the thoughts don't flow as easily as they used to now that my mind is occupied 120% of the time with H haha!
I am completely ECSTATIC for all of the women who have had babies over these past few months and although I don't post/comment much, I love all the pictures. Those of you still in the trenches, my heart breaks for you...I will never understand why something that can bring people so much love can sometimes be so difficult to obtain.
One last thing...the feelings about my infertility have not gone away. Some of my friends are beginning to announce they are pregnant with their second and I cannot help but feel a little sad. I don't know what the future holds for P and me, and future children. I do know we have one frozen embryo and we have decided to continue to keep it frozen until we are ready to try again. But, if that doesn't work, I guess we will try IVF again. The thought of putting us through that again overwhelms me, but we got Harper out of it the first time and I would do it all over again to have her...in a heartbeat
Getting pregnant was not easy, my pregnancy was not easy, and although it only took 20 minutes to push H out, the actual childbirth experience wasn't easy so I am not sure why I expected the first few weeks at home to be any different!
The first two weeks were hard. REALLY HARD. Breastfeeding was not working, the only time she would latch was when I had someone else to help me (lactation consultant.) And that was extremely frustrating. I was in a lot of pain dealing with recovery from my third degree tear and my emotions were ALL over the place. I did not immediately fall in love with H. I loved her, but it wasn't what I expected. I waited all of 7 days before I realized I was not okay and I reached out to my doctor. She saw me quickly and agreed that it would be best for my to go on meds for a few months just to try and balance me out. Within a week after starting the meds and also coming to the decision that breastfeeding just wasn't working, I felt like a new person.
There is a big push to breastfeed, I did lots of research and I know the benefits and although I really wanted it to work, between her being tongue tied, battling depression, and having to pump every 2-3 hours 24 hours a day I just couldn't do it. For a day or two I felt selfish and then I realized it was the best decision I could have ever made. Both my husband and family were extremely supportive and H took to the Newborn Enfamil really well. AND, I was FINALLY bonding with my little girl.
What I have realized over these last few months is that important decisions like this are really no one else's business. What works for one family may or may not work for another, and that is OK. There is also nothing wrong with asking for help. I feel like I am a better mom because of those hard decisions I had to make so early on.
After getting past those first few weeks I have been head over heels in love with this little girl. I literally cannot get enough of her. She looks and acts very similarly to me and I just love it. She goes from calm to screaming her head off in 2 seconds when she is hungry or has had enough of something. She is full of smiles and all sorts of different expressions, even a few giggles here and there. This last week she has started to sleep through the night. Last night she went down at 7:30 pm, got up for a feed at 4:30 in the morning and then back down until 7 am.
There is so much more I want to say but the thoughts don't flow as easily as they used to now that my mind is occupied 120% of the time with H haha!
I am completely ECSTATIC for all of the women who have had babies over these past few months and although I don't post/comment much, I love all the pictures. Those of you still in the trenches, my heart breaks for you...I will never understand why something that can bring people so much love can sometimes be so difficult to obtain.
One last thing...the feelings about my infertility have not gone away. Some of my friends are beginning to announce they are pregnant with their second and I cannot help but feel a little sad. I don't know what the future holds for P and me, and future children. I do know we have one frozen embryo and we have decided to continue to keep it frozen until we are ready to try again. But, if that doesn't work, I guess we will try IVF again. The thought of putting us through that again overwhelms me, but we got Harper out of it the first time and I would do it all over again to have her...in a heartbeat
Monday, June 10, 2013
H's Birth Story
On Tuesday night we checked into the hospital at 8pm. We had been waiting around all day for a phone call to tell us when they could have us come in, we finally got the phone call around 4 and then I broke down into hysterical, ugly sobs. It was a combination of fear, excitement, and the realization that somehow this baby had to come out!
I knew from the previous Friday that I was not dilated at all. The doctor has originally not been able to locate my cervix the week before, but that Friday she used a speculum (OW!) and was able to get to it and give me the bad news that I was not dilated at all. The only good news was Harper's head was literally RIGHT THERE!
We checked into a room (where I would not be delivering) and they hooked me up to the monitors to check for contractions. The bed was ridiculously uncomfortable although the room was a good size and P had a pull out bed. This was not a labor and delivery room, they assumed it would be a while so they weren't in any rush to get me into one. Around 10:30 pm a doctor came in and told me she was going to insert the balloon (which would fall out at 3cm) and put some cervidil on my cervix. The insertion of the balloon hurt a lot but once it was in it was more an annoyance than anything else. Then we waited. P dozed off and on but I barely slept and had bad burns on my elbows to show for it as I continued to try and push myself up on the bed over and over again!
Finally, around 7 am a nurse came in to check the balloon which had still not fallen out yet. They came around with a breakfast tray which I couldn't really stomach. A few more hours went by. I began to wonder if this would take another whole day. Around 11 am the nurse pulled the balloon out and my doctor came in to check me and said I was about 2.5 cm dilated. ARE YOU SERIOUS! That's it! I then got up to go to the bathroom and was having some serious lower back pain (now wondering if it was labor pains) and as soon as I got back into bed I felt a huge pop and water/blood started gushing everywhere. That's when things got a little crazy. I kept having to get up and use the bathroom (I guess your system really does clear itself out) and I was on all fours in the room begging the nurse to take me seriously and get me some meds. They assumed since I was a first time mom I didn't know what was going on so they were not in any rush. There was not a room open for me in L&D which meant they could not start the epidural until I was in one of those rooms. Both P and I were starting to freak out. I continued to tell P the baby was coming. The nurses came in and were rubbing my back telling me I was doing a great job (little did they know I could have been seconds away from delivering!) Finally the doctor arrived and checked me, confirming what I already knew...I was fully dilated and could start pushing IF I wanted to. Cue complete FREAK OUT. MY body literally felt like it was convulsing, I could feel little H moving down and I had no control over my body. I started crying telling her I needed the epidural. Immediately 6 nurses came rushing in with a stretcher and a delivery kit. We had to take the elevator to get to L&D and they were afraid I wasn't going to make it that far without delivering H!
It was the longest elevator ever. I just remember continuing to yell "She's coming" as the dr held my hand telling me to keep breathing (best advice she gave me was to pretend you're blowing out a candle.) When they finally got me into L & D it was pure panic. They turned me on my side and told me I would need to be still if I wanted to get the epidural. I remember my doctor continuing to ask for "George" as he was the anesthesiologist. When he finally arrived I remember P stumbling to put a mask on because he was so shaken up. My proudest moment was being in all that pain and having the ability to stay still enough for the epidural! Within minutes I felt relief. I could still move my legs, but I did not feel any pain. The doctor/nurse decided they wanted me to wait to push because my body needed time to recover. After about a half hour they decided I was good to go. It was so calm. We were talking between pushes, laughing at what state I was in just an hour before. I am so thankful that is the experience I had delivering H rather than the complete chaos that it could have been. I only pushed for 20 minutes...5 sets of 3 pushes each and she was out! I never needed pitocin and the doctor/nurse were in shock at how quickly everything transpired. At 2:35pm we welcomed H. P cut the cord and the doctor got to work on me. I had a third degree tear because H came out with her hand by her face and swiped me! It took about 35-40 minutes to get stitched up and the nurse continued to tell me how lucky I was to get the epidural because of the tear repair. They also put in a catheter because I was so swollen and they didn't want me to get up for the first 24-36 hours to use the bathroom. But, because of the epidural I did not feel any of this.
For the next 36 hours I survived off of heavy pain meds, TUCKS pads, and the fantastic pads at the hospital that also serve as ice. BEST THINGS EVER (if you have the chance, take as many as these home with you from the hospital!) I almost cried when they took the catheter out because I was so nervous to get up and walk around, I was also nervous to go to the bathroom! VERY NERVOUS! The first few times I tried to get up I got super lightheaded and they made me sit back down. When I finally made it to the bathroom I felt a little better to have that over with!
In the hospital we had some issues with H's blood sugar which were quickly resolved and we also had to get her tongue clipped by a surgeon from another hospital because she had a pretty bad tongue tie. But, besides that, she was perfect. And, she was here!
I wish I could say when we got home that Thursday afternoon that it was a walk in the park but unfortunately that couldn't be further from the truth. Breastfeeding was a disaster. My emotions were all over the place and depression had set in. But, as H will turn 7 weeks tomorrow, I can say my life is complete. P and I have never been happier and those difficult newborn weeks are behind us. I will post about breastfeeding/depression/first two weeks soon.
But for now, here are a few more pictures of our little one who has totally won over our hearts...it scares me how much I love her!
I knew from the previous Friday that I was not dilated at all. The doctor has originally not been able to locate my cervix the week before, but that Friday she used a speculum (OW!) and was able to get to it and give me the bad news that I was not dilated at all. The only good news was Harper's head was literally RIGHT THERE!
We checked into a room (where I would not be delivering) and they hooked me up to the monitors to check for contractions. The bed was ridiculously uncomfortable although the room was a good size and P had a pull out bed. This was not a labor and delivery room, they assumed it would be a while so they weren't in any rush to get me into one. Around 10:30 pm a doctor came in and told me she was going to insert the balloon (which would fall out at 3cm) and put some cervidil on my cervix. The insertion of the balloon hurt a lot but once it was in it was more an annoyance than anything else. Then we waited. P dozed off and on but I barely slept and had bad burns on my elbows to show for it as I continued to try and push myself up on the bed over and over again!
Finally, around 7 am a nurse came in to check the balloon which had still not fallen out yet. They came around with a breakfast tray which I couldn't really stomach. A few more hours went by. I began to wonder if this would take another whole day. Around 11 am the nurse pulled the balloon out and my doctor came in to check me and said I was about 2.5 cm dilated. ARE YOU SERIOUS! That's it! I then got up to go to the bathroom and was having some serious lower back pain (now wondering if it was labor pains) and as soon as I got back into bed I felt a huge pop and water/blood started gushing everywhere. That's when things got a little crazy. I kept having to get up and use the bathroom (I guess your system really does clear itself out) and I was on all fours in the room begging the nurse to take me seriously and get me some meds. They assumed since I was a first time mom I didn't know what was going on so they were not in any rush. There was not a room open for me in L&D which meant they could not start the epidural until I was in one of those rooms. Both P and I were starting to freak out. I continued to tell P the baby was coming. The nurses came in and were rubbing my back telling me I was doing a great job (little did they know I could have been seconds away from delivering!) Finally the doctor arrived and checked me, confirming what I already knew...I was fully dilated and could start pushing IF I wanted to. Cue complete FREAK OUT. MY body literally felt like it was convulsing, I could feel little H moving down and I had no control over my body. I started crying telling her I needed the epidural. Immediately 6 nurses came rushing in with a stretcher and a delivery kit. We had to take the elevator to get to L&D and they were afraid I wasn't going to make it that far without delivering H!
It was the longest elevator ever. I just remember continuing to yell "She's coming" as the dr held my hand telling me to keep breathing (best advice she gave me was to pretend you're blowing out a candle.) When they finally got me into L & D it was pure panic. They turned me on my side and told me I would need to be still if I wanted to get the epidural. I remember my doctor continuing to ask for "George" as he was the anesthesiologist. When he finally arrived I remember P stumbling to put a mask on because he was so shaken up. My proudest moment was being in all that pain and having the ability to stay still enough for the epidural! Within minutes I felt relief. I could still move my legs, but I did not feel any pain. The doctor/nurse decided they wanted me to wait to push because my body needed time to recover. After about a half hour they decided I was good to go. It was so calm. We were talking between pushes, laughing at what state I was in just an hour before. I am so thankful that is the experience I had delivering H rather than the complete chaos that it could have been. I only pushed for 20 minutes...5 sets of 3 pushes each and she was out! I never needed pitocin and the doctor/nurse were in shock at how quickly everything transpired. At 2:35pm we welcomed H. P cut the cord and the doctor got to work on me. I had a third degree tear because H came out with her hand by her face and swiped me! It took about 35-40 minutes to get stitched up and the nurse continued to tell me how lucky I was to get the epidural because of the tear repair. They also put in a catheter because I was so swollen and they didn't want me to get up for the first 24-36 hours to use the bathroom. But, because of the epidural I did not feel any of this.
For the next 36 hours I survived off of heavy pain meds, TUCKS pads, and the fantastic pads at the hospital that also serve as ice. BEST THINGS EVER (if you have the chance, take as many as these home with you from the hospital!) I almost cried when they took the catheter out because I was so nervous to get up and walk around, I was also nervous to go to the bathroom! VERY NERVOUS! The first few times I tried to get up I got super lightheaded and they made me sit back down. When I finally made it to the bathroom I felt a little better to have that over with!
In the hospital we had some issues with H's blood sugar which were quickly resolved and we also had to get her tongue clipped by a surgeon from another hospital because she had a pretty bad tongue tie. But, besides that, she was perfect. And, she was here!
I wish I could say when we got home that Thursday afternoon that it was a walk in the park but unfortunately that couldn't be further from the truth. Breastfeeding was a disaster. My emotions were all over the place and depression had set in. But, as H will turn 7 weeks tomorrow, I can say my life is complete. P and I have never been happier and those difficult newborn weeks are behind us. I will post about breastfeeding/depression/first two weeks soon.
But for now, here are a few more pictures of our little one who has totally won over our hearts...it scares me how much I love her!
Friday, June 7, 2013
H is Here!
I can't believe it has been this long. I want to post the birth story but just can't put the words together yet. The short version is I checked in for my induction at 39 weeks due to medical reasons on Monday night (April 22) at 8:00 pm and had H on Tuesday afternoon (April 23) at 2:35 pm. I went from 3 cm to fully dilated in less than an hour all without an epidural (which I desperately wanted!!) Never needed pitocin and the doctors and nurses were in shock at how fast things went. I ended up with a third degree tear (ouch) and a tough two weeks adjusting to life at home with a newborn. But, H is now a little over 6 weeks and P and I could not be more in love with her. Here are a few pictures...I will be back soon with a lot more details! I can finally say it was all worth it, and I would do it ALL over again, all of it...
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
IVF #2
Start Date: Monday, February 2, 2015
Needle Count: 36
Blood Draws: 7
Ultrasounds: 5
February 2: begin birth control pills
February 11: 10 units of Lupron @ 6:10 am
- bloated and diahrea (maybe nerves?)
February 13: 10 units of Lupron @ 6:30 am
February 14: 10 units of Lupron @ 7:00 am
February 15: 10 units of Lupron @ 7:00 am
- took last BCP
February 17: 10 units of Lupron
February 18: 10 units of Lupron
February 19: 10 units of Lupron
- really tired and no energy
- 8 am baseline b/w and u/s (everything looks good)
- 10 am acupuncture (trying someone new this go round!)
February 21: 10 units of Lupron
Begin Stimulating Drugs (2 shots a day)
February 22: lower dosage of Lupron to 5 units
February 22: lower dosage of Lupron to 5 units
- begin 75 units of Gonal-f (starting out super low to avoid OHSS and will be going in earlier then usual for bloodwork on Wednesday morning to check my estradiol)
- retrieval date should fall around March 5, my 32nd birthday
February 23: 5 units of Lupron
- 75 units Gonal-f
February 24: 5 units of Lupron
- 75 units Gonal-f
- accupuncture
February 25: 5 units of Lupron
- b/w (e2 came back at 259 so instructed to lower dose)
- 50 units of Gonal-f
February 26: 5 units of Lupron
- 50 units of Gonal-f
February 27: 5 units of Lupron
- b/w and u/s (e2 came back at 220, so it dropped, told to up dose)
- 75 units of Gonal-f
- accupuncture
February 28: 5 units of Lupron
- 75 units of Gonal-f
March 1: 5 units of Lupron
- b/w
- e2 levels still look terrible, only 279
- going up to 112.5 Gonal-f tonight & tomorrow night
March 2: 5 units of Lupron
- nauseous most of the morning
- bloated
- 112.5 Gonal-f
March 3: 5 units of Lupron
- b/w and u/s
- left ovary measured 51 mm x 38 (HUGE) with 3 measurable follicles and tons of smaller ones measuring between 9 and 11, they do not consider them measurable until they are a "12"
- my right came back at 36x20 with 1 measurable follicle and lots of smaller ones
- e2 came back at 1,050 (yikes!)
- lower Gonal-f to 50 units
- dr. wrote prescription for cabergoline that I will need to take the same night of my trigger shot to hopefully lessen the effects of overstimulating
- accupuncture appt. after work
March 4: 5 units of Lupron
- 50 units of Gonal-f
March 5: 5 units of Lupron
- b/w and u/s
- left ovary & right ovary both measuring around 50x35
- about 5 measurable follicles on left and 1 on right, but tons of little ones still, lead follicle is about 16 mm
- nurse believes I will trigger Friday or Saturday night
- continue with 50 units gonal-f and back to clinic tomorrow am
- lining is about 9.7
March 6: TRIGGER tonight @ 6:30 pm
- b/w and u/s
- nurse was really great and explained that I had 6-7 measurable follicles, with only 3 of those being mature and about 15 smaller ones (that are never going to grow now)
- as of this morning, nurse though they would probably push me a few more days
- accupuncture @ 12:15
- @ 3pm got the phone call e2 dropped to 1300, body is trying to ovulate on its own
- now instructed to trigger tonight at 6:30 pm and go in for retrieval Sunday morning
- 0.5 mg Cabergoline
March 7: first day in the last 4 weeks without a shot to take
March 8: 7:30 am Egg Retrieval
- retrieved 8 eggs
March 9: began crinone suppositories
- spoke with embryologist
- of the 8 eggs, only 3 were mature, and only 2 fertilized correctly
March 10: continue crinone
- spoke with embryologist; still have 2 embryos...1 is a 2-cell and 1 is a 4-cell
- transfer is set...please let one make it!
March 11: P's birthday
- doctor recommends transferring both embryos (one is 8-cell but poor quality, other is 5-cell but looks perfect)
- only transfer 1 (the 5-cell which has already multiplied to 7-cell!)
March 16: 5dp3dt
- felt a little cramping and some stomach pains
March 18: 7dp3dt
- POSITIVE test
March 23: 12dp3dt
- BETA #1: 378
March 25: 14dp3dt
- BETA #2: 750
April 1: 21dp3dt
- BETA #3: 9,676
April 13: u/s
- one strong little baby
- were able to see and hear heartbeat, right around 150
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)