I cannot believe it, but we are here again.
I started Gonal-f on Sunday night, February 22. I had been on BCP and Lupron for the last few weeks.
I started out on a low dose because my doctor is super concerned about me overstimulating. I will be 32 next week, and my doctor believes my ovaries think I am still only 22. Last IVF, which was almost 3 years ago, my e2 shot up quickly and we wanted to avoid that.
So, I started out on 75 units of Gonal-f and went in for b/w on Wednesday morning. My e2 came back at 259 which he thought was too high too quick. I lowered my dose to 50 Wednesday night and Thursday night, then went in for an ultrasound and more b/w this morning. Shockingly, my e2 had DROPPED to 220. Que panic. I got a call from the nurse saying we were going to up my dose because my ovaries had basically stalled and we needed to wake them up. My new dose was supposed to be 100 units tonight and tomorrow night then in for more b/w on Sunday morning.
After my initial panic I decided I should text my doctor. I do not usually do this, but he gave me his number and I was really upset so I figured why not. He called me back within minutes, seconds really. He reassured me that it wasn't going to effect egg quality, because there were no eggs yet. He compared it to my ovaries going 90 mph and then all of a sudden stalling out. We also talked about our concerns over going to 100 units of Gonal f and he appreciated my concern and agreed we should try 75 for the next two nights and see where we are at Sunday morning, calling 100 units more aggressive and 75 the "safer" route. I have a full time job and an almost 2 year old at home, I am all about the "safer" route right now. He also asked if I was in it for the long haul because it might take a few more days then initially expected to make it to retrieval. So, who knows when the retrieval will be. I just want there to be one.
And, that is where we are. Sunday morning will be crucial to how this cycle plays out. I just hope my body responds to the increase without going too crazy.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Here We Go Again
I have been gone so long, I know. I really don't have an excuse. I am on blogger at least once, sometimes multiple times a day. I love seeing how all the babies are growing and continue to find interest in the blogs I read of those going through treatment. It's just strange. I am in a different place. I desperately want a second baby. I want H to be a big sister, but I knew as soon as I actively started blogging again it would mean treatment again and for so long I just wanted to avoid it.
And now, it is time for us to get back on the horse.
H will be 2 in April. 2...I cannot even believe it! We had an amazing summer together and words can't express how tough it was to go back to teaching in September. My saving grace was dreams of a second child and knowing that another long maternity break would hopefully be on the horizon.
Well, those dreams are continuing to be just dreams for now! I cannot even remember how many months we tried on our own, I want to guess 6, probably more? My RE recommended we see her at H's one year birthday. So, we went in and sat down with her this past April. Unfortunately it would be our last appt with her because she switched clinics in May. She was AMAZING and I was really sad to see her go.
Her recommendation was for us to move forward with the frozen transfer (we had one frozen embryo from our first IVF.) We spent the summer continuing to try on our own and getting all the tests done again for insurance. It's amazing how all that testing that once seemed overwhelming was a piece of cake this time around.
Some of my bloodwork came back a little wonky so we had to go back and forth with insurance a bit before they would agree to cover us for the frozen but we eventually got the okay in November. It was a disaster from the start hah! I can laugh about it now, but it wasn't all that funny when we were going through it. I got a little bit of a late start with the estrace tables. I started out 3x/day orally and after some bloodwork and u/s I had to also start taking 3x/day vaginally. When we got the all clear I started the PIO shots which I had read so many horror stories about and to be totally honest I really didn't think they were that bad. I recommend icing the area about 1-2 min before the actual shot, heating up the syringe in a heating pad, heating your bum immediately after, and while getting the shot, putting your weight on the opposite leg. I definitely had a little soreness, but no knots and it was very manageable. In the middle of all this I got diagnosed with strep throat, put on antibiotics, and then had a reaction to the antibiotics and had to go on prednisone!
The transfer went perfect, but 10 days later, the b/w showed a beta of 0. Nothing. No baby. I wasn't surprised. My doctor told me the chances of this working were low, but I just felt like it was a good warm-up for IVF, and I wanted to get through the holidays without having to deal with an egg retrieval.
I was sad, cried for a bit, and then tried to turn all my attention to getting everything lined up for IVF #2. So, that is where we are. I am currently on cycle day 24. Waiting for my period. This round my new doctor is switching things up a bit, because I respond so ridiculously well to the stimulating drugs, he is having me start on bcp which I didn't do last time. Otherwise, it's the same. Lupron, Gonal-f, HCG trigger, crinone...wait and pray.
We should have the retrieval end of February if everything goes well, and know by mid-March whether or not it worked.
It's really strange going through it again. Last time I had all summer to dedicate to IVF, I wasn't working, I was doing acupuncture, trying to focus all my attention on having a baby. This time around I am working full-time, have a toddler, and am just dreading another egg retrieval. I know if this doesn't work I am going to blame myself for not being all-in. So, I am going to really try for these next 8 weeks to be all in because I DO NOT want to have to go through this again. But, it's really hard because as we all know...life goes on
And now, it is time for us to get back on the horse.
H will be 2 in April. 2...I cannot even believe it! We had an amazing summer together and words can't express how tough it was to go back to teaching in September. My saving grace was dreams of a second child and knowing that another long maternity break would hopefully be on the horizon.
Well, those dreams are continuing to be just dreams for now! I cannot even remember how many months we tried on our own, I want to guess 6, probably more? My RE recommended we see her at H's one year birthday. So, we went in and sat down with her this past April. Unfortunately it would be our last appt with her because she switched clinics in May. She was AMAZING and I was really sad to see her go.
Her recommendation was for us to move forward with the frozen transfer (we had one frozen embryo from our first IVF.) We spent the summer continuing to try on our own and getting all the tests done again for insurance. It's amazing how all that testing that once seemed overwhelming was a piece of cake this time around.
Some of my bloodwork came back a little wonky so we had to go back and forth with insurance a bit before they would agree to cover us for the frozen but we eventually got the okay in November. It was a disaster from the start hah! I can laugh about it now, but it wasn't all that funny when we were going through it. I got a little bit of a late start with the estrace tables. I started out 3x/day orally and after some bloodwork and u/s I had to also start taking 3x/day vaginally. When we got the all clear I started the PIO shots which I had read so many horror stories about and to be totally honest I really didn't think they were that bad. I recommend icing the area about 1-2 min before the actual shot, heating up the syringe in a heating pad, heating your bum immediately after, and while getting the shot, putting your weight on the opposite leg. I definitely had a little soreness, but no knots and it was very manageable. In the middle of all this I got diagnosed with strep throat, put on antibiotics, and then had a reaction to the antibiotics and had to go on prednisone!
The transfer went perfect, but 10 days later, the b/w showed a beta of 0. Nothing. No baby. I wasn't surprised. My doctor told me the chances of this working were low, but I just felt like it was a good warm-up for IVF, and I wanted to get through the holidays without having to deal with an egg retrieval.
I was sad, cried for a bit, and then tried to turn all my attention to getting everything lined up for IVF #2. So, that is where we are. I am currently on cycle day 24. Waiting for my period. This round my new doctor is switching things up a bit, because I respond so ridiculously well to the stimulating drugs, he is having me start on bcp which I didn't do last time. Otherwise, it's the same. Lupron, Gonal-f, HCG trigger, crinone...wait and pray.
We should have the retrieval end of February if everything goes well, and know by mid-March whether or not it worked.
It's really strange going through it again. Last time I had all summer to dedicate to IVF, I wasn't working, I was doing acupuncture, trying to focus all my attention on having a baby. This time around I am working full-time, have a toddler, and am just dreading another egg retrieval. I know if this doesn't work I am going to blame myself for not being all-in. So, I am going to really try for these next 8 weeks to be all in because I DO NOT want to have to go through this again. But, it's really hard because as we all know...life goes on
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Almost 14 months!
It's been almost 14 months since H arrived! So much has changed.
She came out fast and furious and has remained that way ever since. My mom always reminds me how much H is just like me. When she wants something she wants it NOW! We dealt with silent reflux for the first ten months of her life and that contributed to her fussiness. I swear we spent the first 4 months of her life bouncing her in front of the fan to get her to sleep. When she went to sleep she was an amazing sleeper, but it often took 15-20 minutes of bouncing to get her to sleep (especially for naps!) We eventually sleep trained for naps and it improved tremendously. I recommend finding a lovey for your little on, especially if she is fussy like H. She took to her doggy and that continues to soothe her in almost every circumstance. She now sleeps 12-13 hours a night w/her doggy and pacifier. But, she needs to be in bed EVERY night by 6:30 to avoid major meltdowns!
At 9 months I went back to work and she continues to cry EVERY SINGLE TIME I drop her off. That has been difficult. Luckily, she is with my mom 3 times a week and doesn't even notice when I leave because her Nana is just her favorite person in the world. But, those two days I drop her off at daycare are so hard. I can hear her crying as I walk out the door and to my car. It's a home daycare with only 3 other little ones, and I know she eventually calms down and enjoys it but it is a really really hard way to start the day. Luckily, I get pictures sent to me and know she's ok and she naps like a CHAMP (often 2 90 minute naps, sometimes more.)
For the longest time we couldn't put her down. She would scream, hysterically, until she got picked up! She does things in her own time. One day she just decided to start feeding herself after weeks of me stressing out about her having no interest. One day (recently) she just decided she would drink out of a sippy, and then a straw cup. She does things in her own time. When she is ready! One day she just decided she would walk and she hasn't looked back since!
I sort of feel this pressure to start trying for a second. Not as much because I feel the need to have another one right now, but for fear it will be difficult again, and the knowledge that it may be another year before we get that chance between having to get all the testing done AGAIN, trying the frozen with our ONE remaining transfer, and then having to possibly go through the whole IVF process again. Ugh. I can't believe we may have to.
We are thinking of doing the frozen transfer in October. But, to be honest, I feel like we are doing it merely to get it out of the way. I am hoping it will work, but it's just one...one little embryo. I know it had to be a fighter to make it to freeze, but the odds are not in our favor. If that failed I think we would wait until the holidays are over and then possibly do IVF Feb/March. Ahhh. At that point I will be 32 and H will be almost 2. So many of my friends are following the trend of "2 under 2" with H almost 14 months, we are pretty much guaranteed not to be part of that trend.
H is everything to me. I want another baby because I want to give her a sibling. I don't want her to be alone, and it would be nice to have another baby around. She is growing up so quickly that I sometimes get sad thinking about how much she has changed. But, honestly, right now I don't think about having another. Maybe because it brings up stress, and feelings that I am not ready to face. Or maybe it is because H is the best thing to ever happen to me. She is my little mini-me. I wake up and the first thing I do is look at the monitor and smile. Everything she does makes me beam with pride. She is full of so much life and intensity. Everything she does, she does it with all of her being. She is so much more than what I expected her to be. She is my life.
She came out fast and furious and has remained that way ever since. My mom always reminds me how much H is just like me. When she wants something she wants it NOW! We dealt with silent reflux for the first ten months of her life and that contributed to her fussiness. I swear we spent the first 4 months of her life bouncing her in front of the fan to get her to sleep. When she went to sleep she was an amazing sleeper, but it often took 15-20 minutes of bouncing to get her to sleep (especially for naps!) We eventually sleep trained for naps and it improved tremendously. I recommend finding a lovey for your little on, especially if she is fussy like H. She took to her doggy and that continues to soothe her in almost every circumstance. She now sleeps 12-13 hours a night w/her doggy and pacifier. But, she needs to be in bed EVERY night by 6:30 to avoid major meltdowns!
At 9 months I went back to work and she continues to cry EVERY SINGLE TIME I drop her off. That has been difficult. Luckily, she is with my mom 3 times a week and doesn't even notice when I leave because her Nana is just her favorite person in the world. But, those two days I drop her off at daycare are so hard. I can hear her crying as I walk out the door and to my car. It's a home daycare with only 3 other little ones, and I know she eventually calms down and enjoys it but it is a really really hard way to start the day. Luckily, I get pictures sent to me and know she's ok and she naps like a CHAMP (often 2 90 minute naps, sometimes more.)
For the longest time we couldn't put her down. She would scream, hysterically, until she got picked up! She does things in her own time. One day she just decided to start feeding herself after weeks of me stressing out about her having no interest. One day (recently) she just decided she would drink out of a sippy, and then a straw cup. She does things in her own time. When she is ready! One day she just decided she would walk and she hasn't looked back since!
I sort of feel this pressure to start trying for a second. Not as much because I feel the need to have another one right now, but for fear it will be difficult again, and the knowledge that it may be another year before we get that chance between having to get all the testing done AGAIN, trying the frozen with our ONE remaining transfer, and then having to possibly go through the whole IVF process again. Ugh. I can't believe we may have to.
We are thinking of doing the frozen transfer in October. But, to be honest, I feel like we are doing it merely to get it out of the way. I am hoping it will work, but it's just one...one little embryo. I know it had to be a fighter to make it to freeze, but the odds are not in our favor. If that failed I think we would wait until the holidays are over and then possibly do IVF Feb/March. Ahhh. At that point I will be 32 and H will be almost 2. So many of my friends are following the trend of "2 under 2" with H almost 14 months, we are pretty much guaranteed not to be part of that trend.
H is everything to me. I want another baby because I want to give her a sibling. I don't want her to be alone, and it would be nice to have another baby around. She is growing up so quickly that I sometimes get sad thinking about how much she has changed. But, honestly, right now I don't think about having another. Maybe because it brings up stress, and feelings that I am not ready to face. Or maybe it is because H is the best thing to ever happen to me. She is my little mini-me. I wake up and the first thing I do is look at the monitor and smile. Everything she does makes me beam with pride. She is full of so much life and intensity. Everything she does, she does it with all of her being. She is so much more than what I expected her to be. She is my life.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Really Ready?
How do you know when you are ready to start trying again? I would imagine if it came early to you the first time, not much thought has to go into it.
But, as we all know, that isn't the case for me or probably anyone else reading this blog!
When I went to see Dr. P last week, my main complaint was my freaking LONG cycles again, I am talking 45-50 days. So, she suggested testing my prolactin which was borderline high before, and possibly going back on Bromocriptine. Fast forward Monday, and I got a phone call my prolactin is NORMAL. That should be a good thing, except now there is no reason for my ridiculous cycles. Along with that, I am now bleeding (for the past 3 cycles) around cd 14-15 AFTER I have already gotten my period, and it lasts about 2-3 days. That has never happened before.
I can already feel it. I already feel myself getting tense about all this stuff. P wants to try on our own these next few months before we do our frozen in October (hopefully.) He thinks we are going to be "that couple" who magically gets pregnant after having to go through fertility for the first one. I am trying to explain to him, if my cycles are this long (and I am having mid-cycle bleeding) my egg(s) will suck. Not to mentions he also has fertility issues. I am all for giving it a go, but I refuse to get my hopes up like last time, so I guess I am just going to go through the motions? Ick...
I asked Dr. P what she thought and she thinks after seeing my normal prolactin levels that there may be something else going on. UGH. I have an appt. next month with my new doctor and just don't feel like dealing with it before then so I am just going to wait it out and see what happens.
Having Harper this time around makes it all a little different. I have her. And she is the best thing to ever happen to me. I will not let the stress of trying for a new baby overcome me. I refuse to let her feel even a little bit of it.
Now, talk to me in a few months and see where I am at :) haha
This weekend I will try and blog about what Harper's first year was like, I am really sad I didn't blog monthly updates like many of you did.
But, as we all know, that isn't the case for me or probably anyone else reading this blog!
When I went to see Dr. P last week, my main complaint was my freaking LONG cycles again, I am talking 45-50 days. So, she suggested testing my prolactin which was borderline high before, and possibly going back on Bromocriptine. Fast forward Monday, and I got a phone call my prolactin is NORMAL. That should be a good thing, except now there is no reason for my ridiculous cycles. Along with that, I am now bleeding (for the past 3 cycles) around cd 14-15 AFTER I have already gotten my period, and it lasts about 2-3 days. That has never happened before.
I can already feel it. I already feel myself getting tense about all this stuff. P wants to try on our own these next few months before we do our frozen in October (hopefully.) He thinks we are going to be "that couple" who magically gets pregnant after having to go through fertility for the first one. I am trying to explain to him, if my cycles are this long (and I am having mid-cycle bleeding) my egg(s) will suck. Not to mentions he also has fertility issues. I am all for giving it a go, but I refuse to get my hopes up like last time, so I guess I am just going to go through the motions? Ick...
I asked Dr. P what she thought and she thinks after seeing my normal prolactin levels that there may be something else going on. UGH. I have an appt. next month with my new doctor and just don't feel like dealing with it before then so I am just going to wait it out and see what happens.
Having Harper this time around makes it all a little different. I have her. And she is the best thing to ever happen to me. I will not let the stress of trying for a new baby overcome me. I refuse to let her feel even a little bit of it.
Now, talk to me in a few months and see where I am at :) haha
This weekend I will try and blog about what Harper's first year was like, I am really sad I didn't blog monthly updates like many of you did.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Anyone still here??
It's been almost a year since my last post!
In that year so much has happened! Including harpers first brithday! She is one! I have a one year old.
I have been following most of you all along, although I know many of you have gone private and I have not followed through with emailing you to follow your new blogs and that makes me sad. So many of you have had or are having babies and I cannot believe it and am so very excited for you.
I found out Dr. P is leaving my fertility clinic so I squeezed in one last consult with her last week. We are not ready to pursue treatments again yet but I wanted to get my feet in the door. We have one frozen embryo. Chances are definitely not as good with a frozen versus a fresh but there's no reason to worry about it now. I am thinking of moving forward with the frozen in the fall and if it doesn't work, taking a break around the holidays and then pursuing another round of ivf come January/February although it makes me sick to even think about it.
Harper has proven to be just like her mommy this first year: intense, clingy, and knows what she wants. I went back to work after 9 months at home with her and although it has been nice for me to put some time and energy back into work I miss her like crazy, almost as much as she misses me!
I have so much more to write about but I really just wanted to reconnect. I think of so many of you
often and miss being a part of this. So, I'm back!
In that year so much has happened! Including harpers first brithday! She is one! I have a one year old.
I have been following most of you all along, although I know many of you have gone private and I have not followed through with emailing you to follow your new blogs and that makes me sad. So many of you have had or are having babies and I cannot believe it and am so very excited for you.
I found out Dr. P is leaving my fertility clinic so I squeezed in one last consult with her last week. We are not ready to pursue treatments again yet but I wanted to get my feet in the door. We have one frozen embryo. Chances are definitely not as good with a frozen versus a fresh but there's no reason to worry about it now. I am thinking of moving forward with the frozen in the fall and if it doesn't work, taking a break around the holidays and then pursuing another round of ivf come January/February although it makes me sick to even think about it.
Harper has proven to be just like her mommy this first year: intense, clingy, and knows what she wants. I went back to work after 9 months at home with her and although it has been nice for me to put some time and energy back into work I miss her like crazy, almost as much as she misses me!
I have so much more to write about but I really just wanted to reconnect. I think of so many of you
often and miss being a part of this. So, I'm back!
Sunday, December 1, 2013
FET #1
FET#1 (Nov-Dec 2014)
Nov. 18- begin taking estrace (2mg) by mouth 3x/day
Nov. 26- sore throat; go to walk-in clinic and given Clindamycin
Nov. 30-go in for u/s and b/w...lining is only 6.2 begin taking estrace 3x/day vaginally also
Dec. 4- go in for another u/s, everything looks good, lining is nice and thick (around 10)
- start PIO injections pm
- head to PCP, believes it is antibiotic rash (happened before with penicillin)
- start 7 day treatment of prednisone
- speak w/ RE; okay to start prednisone and continue PIO
Dec. 6-rash already improving (caught it early)
Dec. 9- Transfer Day (doctor commented everything went "perfect")
Dec. 19- Bloodwork confirms negative (tested a few days before)
And so begins IVF#2...
Monday, July 8, 2013
First Few Weeks with a Newborn
H is almost 3 months!! Where has the time gone...I should have written this post a long time ago but I just haven't sat down to do it until now.
Getting pregnant was not easy, my pregnancy was not easy, and although it only took 20 minutes to push H out, the actual childbirth experience wasn't easy so I am not sure why I expected the first few weeks at home to be any different!
The first two weeks were hard. REALLY HARD. Breastfeeding was not working, the only time she would latch was when I had someone else to help me (lactation consultant.) And that was extremely frustrating. I was in a lot of pain dealing with recovery from my third degree tear and my emotions were ALL over the place. I did not immediately fall in love with H. I loved her, but it wasn't what I expected. I waited all of 7 days before I realized I was not okay and I reached out to my doctor. She saw me quickly and agreed that it would be best for my to go on meds for a few months just to try and balance me out. Within a week after starting the meds and also coming to the decision that breastfeeding just wasn't working, I felt like a new person.
There is a big push to breastfeed, I did lots of research and I know the benefits and although I really wanted it to work, between her being tongue tied, battling depression, and having to pump every 2-3 hours 24 hours a day I just couldn't do it. For a day or two I felt selfish and then I realized it was the best decision I could have ever made. Both my husband and family were extremely supportive and H took to the Newborn Enfamil really well. AND, I was FINALLY bonding with my little girl.
What I have realized over these last few months is that important decisions like this are really no one else's business. What works for one family may or may not work for another, and that is OK. There is also nothing wrong with asking for help. I feel like I am a better mom because of those hard decisions I had to make so early on.
After getting past those first few weeks I have been head over heels in love with this little girl. I literally cannot get enough of her. She looks and acts very similarly to me and I just love it. She goes from calm to screaming her head off in 2 seconds when she is hungry or has had enough of something. She is full of smiles and all sorts of different expressions, even a few giggles here and there. This last week she has started to sleep through the night. Last night she went down at 7:30 pm, got up for a feed at 4:30 in the morning and then back down until 7 am.
There is so much more I want to say but the thoughts don't flow as easily as they used to now that my mind is occupied 120% of the time with H haha!
I am completely ECSTATIC for all of the women who have had babies over these past few months and although I don't post/comment much, I love all the pictures. Those of you still in the trenches, my heart breaks for you...I will never understand why something that can bring people so much love can sometimes be so difficult to obtain.
One last thing...the feelings about my infertility have not gone away. Some of my friends are beginning to announce they are pregnant with their second and I cannot help but feel a little sad. I don't know what the future holds for P and me, and future children. I do know we have one frozen embryo and we have decided to continue to keep it frozen until we are ready to try again. But, if that doesn't work, I guess we will try IVF again. The thought of putting us through that again overwhelms me, but we got Harper out of it the first time and I would do it all over again to have her...in a heartbeat
Getting pregnant was not easy, my pregnancy was not easy, and although it only took 20 minutes to push H out, the actual childbirth experience wasn't easy so I am not sure why I expected the first few weeks at home to be any different!
The first two weeks were hard. REALLY HARD. Breastfeeding was not working, the only time she would latch was when I had someone else to help me (lactation consultant.) And that was extremely frustrating. I was in a lot of pain dealing with recovery from my third degree tear and my emotions were ALL over the place. I did not immediately fall in love with H. I loved her, but it wasn't what I expected. I waited all of 7 days before I realized I was not okay and I reached out to my doctor. She saw me quickly and agreed that it would be best for my to go on meds for a few months just to try and balance me out. Within a week after starting the meds and also coming to the decision that breastfeeding just wasn't working, I felt like a new person.
There is a big push to breastfeed, I did lots of research and I know the benefits and although I really wanted it to work, between her being tongue tied, battling depression, and having to pump every 2-3 hours 24 hours a day I just couldn't do it. For a day or two I felt selfish and then I realized it was the best decision I could have ever made. Both my husband and family were extremely supportive and H took to the Newborn Enfamil really well. AND, I was FINALLY bonding with my little girl.
What I have realized over these last few months is that important decisions like this are really no one else's business. What works for one family may or may not work for another, and that is OK. There is also nothing wrong with asking for help. I feel like I am a better mom because of those hard decisions I had to make so early on.
After getting past those first few weeks I have been head over heels in love with this little girl. I literally cannot get enough of her. She looks and acts very similarly to me and I just love it. She goes from calm to screaming her head off in 2 seconds when she is hungry or has had enough of something. She is full of smiles and all sorts of different expressions, even a few giggles here and there. This last week she has started to sleep through the night. Last night she went down at 7:30 pm, got up for a feed at 4:30 in the morning and then back down until 7 am.
There is so much more I want to say but the thoughts don't flow as easily as they used to now that my mind is occupied 120% of the time with H haha!
I am completely ECSTATIC for all of the women who have had babies over these past few months and although I don't post/comment much, I love all the pictures. Those of you still in the trenches, my heart breaks for you...I will never understand why something that can bring people so much love can sometimes be so difficult to obtain.
One last thing...the feelings about my infertility have not gone away. Some of my friends are beginning to announce they are pregnant with their second and I cannot help but feel a little sad. I don't know what the future holds for P and me, and future children. I do know we have one frozen embryo and we have decided to continue to keep it frozen until we are ready to try again. But, if that doesn't work, I guess we will try IVF again. The thought of putting us through that again overwhelms me, but we got Harper out of it the first time and I would do it all over again to have her...in a heartbeat
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