I am a control freak, so in some ways getting biweekly monitoring has been good for me (although I don't think it will help me get through possible subsequent pregnancies because I know it is so atypical!)
We went in yesterday for our monitoring appts. (also the day we see the doctor once a week.) Little girl was very active so I didn't have to be on the NST long which was good because they do nothing but stress me out, staring at her heartbeat for 20 mins and analyzing whether or not it is getting too high/low. A few weeks ago I was hooked up and her heartbeat dropped into the 90s, the nurse came running in and told me to take a few deep breaths and it came right back up but boy was it scary! Luckily it hasn't happened again, that I am aware of.
We also get quick u/s every time I go in so they can check my fluids and placenta. Baby has been head down since about week 26, WAY HEAD DOWN. We haven't seen her face in over 10 weeks. And I get ultrasounds twice a week! At our last growth scan which was almost 4 weeks ago they were not even able to measure her head. The u/s tech teases me about it, not understanding how I can walk or don't spend every 5 seconds at the bathroom. And to be honest, I really don't understand it either. Luckily my cervix has been sealed tight or else this baby could have come a lot sooner.
My doctor did an internal two weeks ago along with the Strep B test which came out negative (thank god, one test that came out fine!) And when she offered another check last week, I denied it. So, I knew going in this week I was probably going to get checked again. I am currently 37w4d, which is still considerably early for a first time mom. The problem is, I am getting induced at exactly 39w (for medical reasons.) The cervix check is pretty much excruciating because my cervix is STILL way behind the baby's head. She dug around with one hand and then tried the other hand, and finally said, "Lindsay, her head is RIGHT THERE!" Normally that would be awesome, my body is getting ready, except that, it is so low she had NO CHANCE of finding my cervix. Meaning, my cervix has not moved forward AT ALL. During most of your pregnancy your cervix will be high and closer to your bottom, as labor nears, it will move forward and should move in front of the babies head. I have made no progress with that. We have another appt. with the doctor next week (our last appt. before the induction) and she told me she may have to torture me a little, yes she used the word "torture." She wants me to practice breathing, find my Zen. Haha, yeah right. She said something about possibly having to use a speculum and doing everything she could to see what is going on with my cervix. When I go for my induction, they are going to need full access to my cervix, especially if I am not dilated at all, because the goal is to ripen my cervix the night before the induction and then slowly introduce pitocin the next morning. From the sounds of it, because baby is so low, if we can get my cervix to cooperate EVER, labor will move very fast.
I feel like people only write horror stories about inductions and am afraid of what mine is going to be like if my cervix continues to be so high. I know things can change quickly and I am going to spend a lot of time walking and on my feet this next week. But, to be honest, I am a teacher, I am always on my feet. And she has been head down for months now. Why should I expect anything to change over the next few days? Instead of going to the hospital the 23rd, we will be going in the night before for cervical ripening. I freaked out in the car ride home last night and told P that I couldn't do this anymore. I want to fast forward 2 weeks and just be home with her. Unfortunately, that isn't possible, so I gotta put my big girl pants on and figure out how I am going to deal with all of this. And hope that in the meantime SOMETHING, ANYTHING happens with the positioning of my cervix, otherwise I am afraid I may pass out at my doctor's appt. next week, from fear alone!!
On another note, how has what you have gone through in your current or past pregnancies or even attempts to get pregnant impacted your thoughts about future pregnancies? I know everyone says you forget what happens during the birth and your body forgets making you ready for more, but what about the pain of infertility and a tough pregnancy? Do you really forget that stuff? I always wanted three children, it is down to two now. Last night I told P I don't know if I can go through this again, and if we choose to, it may not be for a long time. Maybe that will change when she is here and we are head over heels in love with her and can't imagine life without her. But, for right now, I don't know where we are at. Anyone else have mixed feelings?
You are in the home stretch and will have baby home soon! I don't know much about this stage, but at some point, your body will want to have this baby and your cervix will have to cooperate!
ReplyDeleteWe had only planned in one but are definitely sticking to it (I still kinda want 2) after a traumatic pregnancy. We don't know shy I went into pre-term labor so we can't prevent it from happening again and we absolutely cannot go through that again.
I don't think you'll fully know what you want until at least a year from now.
Best if luck the next couple of weeks!
Uhg! Cervical checks are the worst and mine isn't even blocked by baby! I can't imagine how uncomfortable that must be!
ReplyDeleteI know this pregnancy has really made us think about what we want to do for the future. We're ecstatic about our girls, but the further along I get and the more monitoring I need, the more stressed out I get. I actually just told my husband yesterday that I'd really like to fast forward 8 weeks and be done with this side of things.
I don't doubt for a second the love and excitement you have for your daughter. And I also understand that high risk pregnancy adds tons of stress that doesn't go with a "normal" pregnancy. There are days where I just sit and think "Can I really ever do this again?"
The best comfort we have is that we don't have to decide anything right now! Just think, less than 2 weeks until you'll be holding your precious baby in your arms!!!!
First thing, try not to worry about your cervix. If it makes you feel any better, mine was the exact same situation (SUPER low head and hidden cervix way up high) and I would not call my induction horrible. It can make it difficult for them to break your water, as it did in my case, but the cervical ripening does help. It feels weird and all, but no worse than most IF tests/procedures! And they can start pitocin if your cervix is still out of reach. They did mine and I went from 2.5 to 5 cm in a couple hours and by then, my cervix had decided to show up :) The main thing to remember is it WILL cooperate eventually and it is NOT something that is a danger to you or baby!
ReplyDeleteSecond, I feel that my thoughts and feelings about future babies are all over the map. I did not have a traumatic pregnancy, but my IVF/severe OHSS was not fun. At this point, I think we will try to use the frosties we have left, but if they don't result in successful pregnancies, we might be done. Or might go the adoption route instead. I do not think we will do anothet stim/retrieval. I would like more kids, but I am also starting to think we could be okay with just the one. Or just the one "biological". Then again, it sounds more appealing when I am sleep deprived after a rough night like we had last night - ha! But really, I think we just have to trust that this is not a decision that must be made NOW. When the time comes, I believe we will know.
Third & final: SO excited for you! Try to enjoy and focus on fun stuff these last weeks. Cannot wait to hear updates and see pictures!!!
You are getting so close! Cervical checks for me were painful too and I cringed every time the doctor mentioned one. I have no idea about being induced but I have had good and bad. Hoping and praying that it is a breeze for you. I can't wait to see updates and pictures!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing great! I was in the same boat as you in the cervix department. Mine did NOTHING and I was 40 weeks! I finally got induced at 40 weeks 5 days. My cervix moved a little, but took the whole 12 hours of cervidil to do it. My induction wasn't bad at all. I had a great experience. I prayed for this baby for so long that I was just happy to be going through the experience at all. Sure the contractions hurt and were right on top of each other, but the epidural was great, and my unplanned c-section was great, too! I think the waiting for this baby made me so ready to be at the hospital having him that I was so care-free.
ReplyDeleteStruggling to get pregnant has made me want to try having another ASAP. We had Matt in December and I'm ready to start trying again in August. I'm a teacher, too and want to try to have a May or June baby. I am scared of this process taking another two years and want to take advantage of the being most fertile after having the first baby. I absolutely hated being pregnant and am dreading nine months of that again, but finally holding that baby in your arms and hearing his/her first cry is the most amazing feeling ever! All of the sleep deprivation and tears are worth it, too. Being a parent is the hardest job ever, but worth every moment good or bad!
You will wonder these things after she comes too. The first two months are really hard (I am saying this to prepare you). Just know that those two months will go by quickly and you will feel better both physically and emotionally. I think about more children all the time. I know we will never be able to do IVF again and we have no more embryos so the decision to have one is easier. But I often think about how I will feel about trying again naturally - if I want to go through the IF, the third trimester, the birth and the subsequent newborn stage again. Many days I think that no, I don't want to do that again. Then the next day, as I look at my baby, I think that I do want to try. It's something I think I will always debate. My postpartum was hard so I have reservations, but for now, I don't have to think about it. I will wait to truly consider the possibilities until later, when I have had more time and know how I feel about having one child.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard not to think ahead, but right now you need to only think about this baby and this delivery. In the end, even if things are hard and even if they say you need a c-section or something...you will be with your baby soon.
I think you are doing great and handling everything so wonderful. I know towards the end I will be a stress case. I feel the same way you do about not wanting to go though this again. Who knows what will happen, but if by a miracle I do get pregnant again....I or we will somehow handle it. I can't wait to see her and hear about your labor......you are going to be fine, and everything is going to be great!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI think about that all the time...will I move forward from this and not have it totally affect my pregnancy and maybe future pregnancies? Sounds like no :) Wishing you a safe and speedy delivery!
ReplyDeleteHey Lindsay... Thinking of you guys.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you guys! Has baby girl made her appearance yet!?
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