Still Here!

Where to begin?

It has been months since I have blogged, not even sure if too many of you check my blog anymore but I thought it was time to catch people up a little bit.

I am currently 36w2d pregnant.  I know, I can't believe it either!

I had thought getting past the infertility issues would be difficult, and they were (and continue to be) but it was compounded by the b/w that came back sometime in the second trimester.  Since getting those results (which I know can often be wrong or false positives) I have been considered a "high risk" pregnancy and that has made these last few months really difficult on me.  I have had lots of up and lots of downs.  We were initially afraid the b/w indicated some kind of issue with baby's spine, but after having a level II ultrasound, that was just about ruled out.  So, when high AFP goes unexplained, it sometimes puts pregnant women at higher risk for pre-eclampsia, pre-term labor, stillbirth, and a wide range of other things.

Since reaching week 32, I have been at the doctors twice a week every week and will continue to do that until I get induced at week 39.  Each time I have a NST and u/s, and once a week I also meet with my doctor.  In addition I have been getting growth scans every 4 weeks since week 26.  Everything has continued to look good, but the extra tests are exhausting and stressful!  They are checking to make sure my fluids are okay, the placenta is still working, and babe is still measuring on track.  Out first growth scan, she came out in the 70th percentile, second growth scan she measured in the 59th percentile and our most recent one (which was two weeks ago) she was in the 39th percentile.  Yes, she has continued to measure smaller every few weeks, but the doctor isn't concerned, so I am trying not to stress about it too much (haha yeah right!)  Once again, all the nurses, secretaries, u/s techs know me by name because I am there so much (just like with IVF.)

I also failed my Glucose Test, not once, not twice, but three times!  I initially failed the 1-hour and kept hearing from everyone how common it was and I would pass the 3-hour with flying colors.  Of course that didn't happen, I failed 2 separate 3-hour tests.  Protocol would be for me to take another at week 38, but at that point I will be a few days away from being induced so my doctor cut me a break and told me it could just be a fluke or the way my levels would be throughout pregnancy (it was always the second hour blood draw that went up, the other 3 blood draws looked good.)  Needless to say, I feel like every test I have been given I have failed miserably.  Every time the office calls I cringe thinking it is more bad news.

I know I will regret not doing bump updates and have weekly notes to look back on but to be honest it has really been difficult for me to fully embrace this pregnancy.  So many of my friends have gotten pregnant and not had to deal with any of this, it makes it really hard for me to relate to them.  They have ultrasound pictures and pregnancy things all over their facebook pages and at times it is just too much for me.  I have a hard time sympathizing with pregnant people over their lack of sleep when I keep worrying whether or not today will be the day I go in for my NST/ultrasound and they tell me something is wrong and the baby has to come out NOW!

The pregnancy itself has been fairly easy on me (which kind of makes it even worse!)   I still have no swelling, blood pressure continues to be low around 120/65, have only gained about 23 pounds, and have had just about no aches/pains.  She has been head down for about 2 months and is currently so low that my u/s tech can't believe I am still able to walk without the famous pregnant waddle.   She has also been face down for a while too which has taken just about all the pressure off my lower back and my sciatic pain has been no more.

Sorry I have been away for so long, I have been reading everyone's blog but have been in a weird place for a while now.  I have been rooting so many of you on from a far, and have loved seeing pictures of all the new babies (please keep posting tips and favorite products, I LOVE reading those posts!)

The best thing that has come out of all of this is P and I are in a better place then we have ever been.  We are nervous, stressed, excited, and don't know what to expect over these next few weeks, but we are going through it together.

The NSTs have been picking up lots of contractions over the past week and although they are not painful, they definitely have me wondering when baby is actually going to be coming.  We are scheduled to get induced on April 23 (a full week early.)  I am still working and it has really taken it's toll on me, especially since two days a week I leave work early and am at the doctors for anywhere from 2-3 hours.  Next week is my last week of work and then I have a week to get ready (if we make it!)

We don't have a birth plan because I don't want to go in with any set expectations.  If it goes anything like the last 2.5 years have gone, then nothing will be in my control.  I am not dead set for/against an epidural.  I want to see how I can manage the pain and if I need it, I need it.  I am hoping to avoid a c-section.  The doctor is concerned about my narrow pelvic bone, but if the baby continue to measures on the smaller side, it might be okay.  Of course, getting induced increases your chances of c-sections too, so I do realize I have a few factors going against me already.

The one thing that P and I did decide to do was take maternity pictures because we wanted to make sure we had something to remember this pregnancy by.  We were really pleased with them and of course we had to include Sage in a few!  These were taken right around 32 weeks, I was even carrying low then!