I got my period Friday, after 4:00 so I couldn't count it as CD 1. So, CD 1 was officially yesterday and I am going to call on Monday to have all my meds. ordered and a tentative calendar set for everything. We already got insurance approval, so I am hoping that nothing will get in the way.
I was really down in the dumps yesterday afternoon. I had to go to my sister in laws bachelorette party and was in bed for a few hours before just watching tv unable to force myself out to get ready. I eventually did, but it was hard!
This whole IVF thing is kind of a big deal. Not just because of the shots, and the bloodwork, and ultrasounds, and everything that could go wrong, but it is kind of like you're throwing in the towel. Even though IVF is giving us hope, the hope of us conceiving on our own is just about gone, which is just so crazy for me to believe right now. I had to wake up yesterday, look at myself in the mirror, and know that my husband and I would not be making a baby the way most of my friends and family have been able to. That is a hard pill to swallow. I was a little angry too. So many people have babies so easily! We have gotten three birth announcements in the past 3 weeks, one of the couples got pregnant on the first month trying! I cannot even comprehend that. If that had happened to us, we would already have a 9 month old baby and possibly be thinking about another one.
This is so hard. I know I am ready and have been waiting what feels like forever but mentally and emotionally, this is so hard. There is so much anticipation, so many worries, I thought I would be excited, but honestly I am not...not even a little bit.
I had my first accupuncture appt. on Friday morning and I LOVED the accupuncturist, M. She was awesome. I am the type of person who decides very early on in meeting someone whether or not I like them...first impressions are everything to me I guess, and she really left one on me, had she not I probably wouldn't be going back.
The needles didn't hurt at all. They barely penetrate your skin. I will say I had a bit of a hard time laying still on the table, to the point where I lost two needles in my shirt by the time she came in to check on me (that gave her a bit of a laugh,) but by the end I was super relaxed. After it was all done I got up and went out to see her and my first comment was I felt super weightless. I literally felt like my mind was clear and a weight had been lifted off of me. That feeling lingered for a few more hours on Friday and then I got my period haha so the cramps kind of took over.
I will be going once a week because I do believe there is something to what she does. And I really like her a lot! I asked her opinion on what I could do to help get my body ready for IVF. I told her I wasn't going to go overboard, but wondered what the most important things were that I could do. The first thing she told me was to stay away from cold. Cold drinks, cold food, swimming pools. The cold constricts your uterus, and that isn't good. Luckily for me the only cold drinks I drink are OJ, which a small glass in the morning every day won't hurt me and Coke which I already gave up once in preparation for my IUI so I know I can do that. Cold food shouldn't be too hard, and anyone that knows me, knows I am that person that takes an hour to get in the pool even if it is 100 degrees out, so that shouldn't be a problem either! The other thing she highly recommended (and this was actually more aimed toward P) is going organic with meat and dairy products. I try to get organic meat as much as possible from the grocery store (making sure the animals are fed a grass-diet) but have never ventured into organic milk. Yikes! So, I was at Target today and found Horizon Reduced Fat Organic milk. I hate trying new things so I am a little nervous, but I figure I can give it a shot. I usually only have it a few times a week anyways.
Besides that, I had a busy weekend and they are going to continue to be busy until the end of July. I expect to start my Lupron, Saturday, July 14th. We will be at a wedding in Connecticut so I guess the wedding reception bathroom will have to do for my first injection! I am a little concerned because my cycles have begun to be all over the place again so I am not sure when I will ovulate this cycle. These last three months I have had a 24 day cycle, 26 day cycle, and this most recent one was 35 days. I am hoping my prolactin isn't off again, but I guess I will deal with it when the time comes.
IVF is kind of a big deal...
Yes, it most certainly is. I'm so sorry you've been down about having to go this route, but remember that this journey is not for the faint of heart. And I know that one day, you will be holding your THB and telling them about the grand adventure you and DH went through to bring them into your lives. Those stories are always amazing to hear.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on CD1. I'm thinking of you as you begin this process and hoping for very good news soon!
I completely understand how you feel. This week I found out a friend of ours is pregnant - they tried for about 8 months and went to one dr. appointment to talk about options in the future. then got pregnant. it is so hard to not be jealous or angry. that same day we got the bill for freezing our embryos (we are in the midst of our first IVF) and I am having a hard timing wrapping my mind around the fact that we have little embryos in a freezer and if we want to ever get pregnant (now or in the future) that is what we have to do. there is definitely a loss and I think a mourning of the fact that we wouldn't ever get pregnant like so many around us easily do. The last two days have been rough for me as I am working to except that this is how is is for us and I can choose to except it or choose to live a life with bitterness and anger (which sometimes seems easier to do - but I don't want that!) all that rambling to say that I understand where you are and what you are going through. hang in there!
ReplyDeleteIt is a big deal! My favorite sister-in-law and her husband moved to IVF after several other failed treatments (and 6 years total of trying) and that is how my twin niece and nephew came into our lives! Last winter I was an emotional mess after an unpleasant conversation so my husband drove me home and returned to his parents' place for a family dinner. He later told me that my brother-in-law (father of the twins) talked to him and said, "It is not easy and there is a lot of sadness in infertility. People don't always get their family the way they had planned, but they get their family eventually and it is worth it." As I am sure you can tell, he is also my favorite bother-in-law:)
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your husband as you begin this part of your journey; my hopes are so high for you!
It is totally a big deal! I often get mad too that I cannot get pregnant like everyone else...but all you are going through will be worth it! Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteIVF is definitely a HUGE deal! You are doing the right things though, in taking care of yourself. That's the best thing you can do. Acupuncture helped steady me (mentally, emotionally, and physically) during all the ups and downs of the drugs and the tests and the waiting. I'm glad you had a good first experience and hope that it continue to help you as you start the roller coaster of IVF!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Random fact: I did my first Lupron injection at an out-of-town destination wedding reception. Apparently it's the thing to do! :)
I totally agree, and can understand completely your sentiments about realising that conceiving naturally probably won't happen. It sux. I'm 2 shots down, (and however many to go) on my first IVF cycle, and I'm not even allowing myself to get excited or apprehensive about it. I'm just letting it all happen, and will wait for the results. It's scary as F%#k, but there is that little glimmer of hope that one day there'll be a biological child to cuddle.
ReplyDeleteI wish you all the very best of luck, and will hold your *virtual* hand throughout the process :-)
Yes Lindsay, this is a big deal - in many ways - physically, emotionally, time-wise, and of course in the way it makes you think about your hopes and plans for the future. It's important to recognize this, because it will help you be ready to take these big steps.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you liked acupuncture and I hope it is a wonderful stress relief over these coming months. You are strong, and you can do this! Fingers crossed!
This is such a tough journey for you, and you and your husband are in my prayers. It sounds like you are doing everything you can possibly do to make this round of IVF go as smoothly as possible. The acupuncture is excellent and hopefully puts some of your nerves at ease. Positive prayers and vibes are being sent your way!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that I'm so far behind on commenting.... and that you're feeling so down. IVF is a huge deal... and I know how you feel about being angry for having to do it this way and go through it all. This journey is a nightmare... but hopefully it will end soon and you'll be heading back to school with a smile on your face and a hand on your belly. Love to you always xoxo
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely a big deal and I am right there with you! I felt a lot different things when my CD1 came. Scared, worried about all the things I should be doing to get ready, anxious, etc. I can't say I agree that IVF is "giving up"... in fact, I feel more like it's "taking up"... taking up the fight for your family in the way a lot of people don't have to do or perhaps, never get to do, because financial, physical or other reasons prevent them from even getting to this step. I was really negative when my cycle first dawned, less about giving up the traditional route of getting a family (guess I made my peace with that a while ago) but more just about our chances overall. But DH asked me to be as positive as possible so I made that my new mission. And I really am feeling so much more hopeful by focusing on everything we have going for us! And it helps me too to feel thankful that 1. we can afford IVF because it is covered by insurance, 2. that we even get to do it without having to worry about things like endo, fibroids, or even some people who can't do it at all because they have premature ovarian failure or other physical barriers. This isn't even the end of the road if it doesn't work out. There's so many other things, donor eggs, donor sperm, adopted embryos, surrogacy, adoption... so many other ways to build our family. AND I know we WILL because I'm anything if not determined (read: stubborn)! :)
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked the acupuncture, I recently started up again at a great and affordable place and I love it! My appt is tonight and I've been looking forward to it all day. :) Thinking of you...
Oh wow, I can't imagine how difficult this is for you guys. Several of my close friends have had a hard time getting pregnant so I know it can be heart wrenching to wait. I hope this round goes well!
ReplyDeletei know IVF is a hard pill to swallow, but i'm excited for you! i'm glad you enjoyed your acupuncture appt - I always feel better after mine as well. I'm crossing my fingers for you and wishing that THIS will be the one!
ReplyDeleteIt definitely is a big deal and it is a hard pill to swallow. I have been preparing myself for a couple months now since we will probably be starting the IVF stuff in September. Glad things are getting started and the acupuncture is helping you feel good.
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