There's really no other way to describe it.
I woke up this morning feeling crummy and gross. I am hoping I am just having one of those days and this isn't what the next 8 days are going to be like.
I have changed my diet over the past few weeks. No junk food, lots of protein, yogurt, nuts, salads, and only a small gatorade a day along with TONS and TONS of water. I am even trying protein shakes. You would think these changes would make me feel better, but they don't...AT ALL. I miss soda, I miss junk haha. I miss being me. So today, I said screw you to all of this, and had my first soda in 4 weeks. Worst part is, it didn't make me feel any better!
I still have a lingering headache, but its manageable. I just don't feel myself, I am so blah. I tried to go shopping after summer school today and couldn't get myself to want to buy anything (that's when you know there's a problem.)
This sucks. And I have only just begun.
And I go to bed every night and wake up every morning worried about hyperstimulating. To the point where I imagine my RE calling after my first few days of Gonal-f and telling me to up my dosage and me saying NO! Is that even allowed??
People tell me this will all be worth it in the end. I sure hope they're right.
I have to find something to do. I have to fight this. Time to repaint my bedroom. Tomorrow I will go to the paint store and get a few samples, and I will force myself to feel better.
Hyperstimulating is a concern, but good doctors are really cautious about it. My doc told me about it but also was confident it wouldn't be a problem for me. I trusted her, and as it turns out, she was right.
ReplyDeleteAs far as OHSS goes, (1) there is a NYTimes article about that today (link on my blog), and (2) right after the retrieval is when it could get bad, so you want to avoid sweets and sugar and drink a LOT of fluids (so get a lot of coconut water or gatorade to have at home).
You're doing great. The stress of IVF is amazing. Can't be imagined until you're in it.
Do you have a transfer date yet?
i can totally relate to not feeling yourself on all the medicine. It is hard to describe it to someone and I got frustrated trying to explain it to my husband. blah is a good word to use. I resorted to many trips wandering target and a decaf caramel frappicino from starbucks to help on many days during my first ivf cycle. hang in there!
ReplyDeleteHey lady! I am SO sorry you aren't feeling well today! But I am here to tell you and encourage you that you will get through this. This too shall pass. One day at a time...you will get through it and it will be SOOO worth it!! I love your idea of finding a project to work on. I put together a photo album of our most recent vacation and it was a huge distraction for me. ...and also, if you can, and I know it is HARD...when those thoughts and worry about OHSS come into your mind, immediately replace them with a different, more positive thought. Don't dwell on them and allow them to take root in you. Maybe you should even think up your replacement thought now. It's just an idea that worked for me. Plus, that is is a few weeks away...today has enough worries and you certainly don't need that one right now.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think you should treat yourself and don't feel guilty about it...they'll be plenty of time for strict diets and OHSS preventative stuff in a few weeks. Other thoughts I have and I know you are trying to do them, continue to focus on things that make you happy...since shopping didn't work...how about pinterest or some cute project on there.
Anyway, my heart goes out to you! I know the waiting just makes it worse...it feels like such a long period of time to be on lupron and it absolutely SUCKS!!!! This is going to be so worth it for you though and I am so excited for you and want to be there for you in any way I can!
Sending HUGE hugs to you!
Keep in mind that while your fears are real, the degree to which you are feeling them is affected by the Lupron. I know it doesn't help much.
ReplyDeleteAs for upping your dosage...ASK! Tell them that you'd prefer a longer slower stimulation. This is not unheard of, and your doctor should be able to explain why it may or may not be a good fit for you! (One of my biggest regrets after our failed cycle is that I didn't ask more questions. That all changed with the follow-up appointment.)
But...yeah, you may feel crappy at times over the next few weeks. I wish I could change that for you, make it easier. You WILL be okay though. You can do this. If I weren't on eternal pelvic rest I would come up to NH and pretend I was a cheerleader for you :) (It would be ugly though, so maybe it's a good thing that I can't.)
I hope you feel better soon! Hang in there. I hope this is the cycle for you! Sending positive thoughts your way!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean and I felt the same way on the Lupron. My friend (who has been through 4 IVF cycles) told me that it gets better when you go on stims (as far as the blah/nondescript crappy feeling) and for me, that was true. While the stims have their own barrel o' fun side effects, the Lurpon was by far the worst for me personally. Good luck and hang in there!
ReplyDeleteHope you start to feel better soon! Hugs!!
ReplyDeleteYou better share pics of the bedroom. Loving see all of your home photos. :)
I'm blaming the Lupron. While on it, I felt physically and emotionally awful. I promise you it will pass once you lower the dose, but in the meantime I would blame each and every single negative thought on the drug.
ReplyDeleteRegarding OHSS, remember that your RE is just as vested in making sure you don't develop it as you are. I know it's hard, but try not to focus on that possibility at the moment. Instead focus on the fact that you're doing every humanly possible to bring home your child. And that takes guts. Sending hugs
Lupron makes me feel really blah too. I sleep a lot, have headaches on and off, lack motivation and just generally feel like a lump. It's the drugs - try not to take it out on yourself. It's not you - it's the drugs. Just keep reminding yourself of that. GL!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're feeling crappy! I think painting is the perfect solution to keep your mind off things :) I am part-way through a gallery wall aka: distraction city! Hang in there. XO
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better soon. I'm not doing IVF, but I was worried about that with the follistim injections. They started me on double what they did the last 2 times this time and I am trying to just keep calm and trust my body and the Drs. I hope you can too.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that you're not feeling well... be gentle on yourself - if you want treats, treat yourself :) Hang in there and focus on the finish line... cheering you on every step of the way xoxo
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better asap! And I also want to see the pictures of the new paint...your decorating skills amaze me (so much so that I should probably spell it "skillz" because you are that awesome!).
ReplyDeleteSorry you aren't feeling well, a little redecorating always makes me feel better. Hang in there!!
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