When I got home yesterday I realized that since starting the Lupron I have really been negative about everything. Not really externally, but rather internally. Since starting the shots almost 2 weeks ago I have lost sight of why I am doing this. I have questioned whether or not I want to put my body through this. Even as recently as last night, I said to P, "I don't think I can do this." I have worried what will happen to me mentally if it doesn't work. I have totally lost sight of the fact that there is a 45% chance we may have a baby at the end of all this. So, for right now, in this very moment, I am going to focus on all the things that are making me happy, because as much as this sucks right now and even with how hopeless and miserable I feel at times, I have a very blessed life with a lot of wonderful people in it. I need to think about the happy things more. Here are a few fun, stupid things that are making me happy right now, well sort of happy.
In February I wasn't in a great place mentally, I went shopping (noticing a pattern??) Well, I walked into a store and found this bag (I knew it was a baby bag) and had no business even looking at it between the price and the fact that I WAS NOT pregnantt. But, I kept going back to it. Long story short, the girl working behind the counter somehow convinced me I was pregnant and I eventually walked out with the bag. It now sits in my closet waiting for the day I can use it. Hopefully that day is coming. It is a pretty awesome bag! Just wish it had been bought under different circumstances :)
I HATE FEET! I can't believe I am even posting this picture, but I wanted everyone to see the
polka dots. My mom and I decided to so something fun before my brother's wedding and we both went and got it done. I am sick of looking at them as it has been a few weeks now, but it sure was fun while it lasted!
Last night I decided to check my work email and noticed one from an old principal. He wanted to know if I was interested in a position opening up in his school. Unfortunately that school is about 40 minutes away, but it was nice to feel wanted. It reminded me of all the good people I have in my life and all the good things I have going on. So, hopefully, when I feel like crap again, which could be as soon as I get off the computer, I can remind myself that even though I feel bogged down in misery, if I can step outside of it, if only for a few minutes, I will recognize how lucky I really am.
Like my mom always says, "This too shall pass."
Positive affirmations are great. I hope you can walk away from the dark cloud hovering over you. It's so hard when you are in the thick of it to see the light at the end of it all.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, my Mom says the exact same thing to me! Cannot tell you how many times it's been said in the last few years...and it's so true!
ReplyDeleteGood for you for buying that precious onsie and cute diaper bag! I've strictly held off from buying stuff for superstitious reasons (me somewhat, DH big time) but I can see the benefit of a daily reminder of what it's all for. It's for a great cause, girl! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI am glad we are both having better days. Mel sounds great. It is lucky that you decided to try accupuncture after all. Sometimes we need a reminder in the right way that things may not turn out so bad.
ReplyDeleteYou're almost there! And don't forget that Lupron makes everything worse, so feel free to blame it excessively for any bad moods in the future.
It is great that you are finding ways to be positive and remind you about your ultimate goal...being a mom. You continuously amaze me with your strength and drive, and are frequently in my thoughts. Keep your head in the game, it's almost time to make that baby!!!!
ReplyDeleteLove those toes! Keep on doing everything that makes you happy Lindsay. :)
ReplyDeleteYou are healthy! You can do this! So glad you are doing and finding things to focus on that make you happy. I love the outfit! I have one I look at too. It really helps some days to focus on the end result. A baby. We are here cheering you on! Hugz!
ReplyDeleteLove the mantra... it's a great idea :) I have all sorts of mantras to get me through difficult times :) It's so hard to be positive with all the IVF meds on board... I admire your attitude and determination... you'll get there :))) Love your purchases too... great idea to have such a gorgeous reminder of what all this is for... love to you always xoxo
ReplyDeleteLove the onesie idea...too cute. I really hope this is your month!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are taking charge of your fertility and your outlook. This is something you have to do many times throughout this so it's a good habit to get into. You CAN do this and it CAN work. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteMissC
Congrats on the new mantra - hope it helps, it can definitely be easy to just check out and feel sad/mad at the world when dealing with this. Love the onesie too - hope it means good things! My last cycle I bought 2 onesies before my transfer for good luck (my first onesies) and that one was the one that took! So hopefully there is some good onesie juju there :). Love the diaper bag too!
ReplyDelete