Let me introduce you...

to our one perfect little jeally bean.

To say the ultrasound experience was surreal, doesn't even do it justice.  This past week has been hell.  I started work, haven't really had any time to rest and was avoiding talking to people for fear they would say the wrong thing and upset me.  P and I had been walking on eggshells. Would there be 1, would there be 2, would we see nothing at all? 

We got to the clinic early, as we always do.  And they took us in right away where I undressed from the waist down and covered myself in the sheet, as I have done for the last however many months.  And then we waited.  For what seemed like an eternity.  It was probably only 15 minutes, but I swear both of our hearts stopped.  Then I heard Dr. P's shoes.  She ALWAYS wears heels and is dressed to the nines and within seconds she came in with a male resident.  She was so happy to see us under these circumstances and so understanding of our nerves so she got started right away.  I gripped P's hand and looked away.  I knew what each situation would look like and I just couldn't look.  I watched P instead.  Within 10 seconds he broke out in a grin and I heard the resident say, "there's one now let's see if there's another."  It wasn't until they confirmed there was only one and I asked "Is there really something there?" that I was able to look at the screen.  "I can't believe it," was all I could manage so say before the tears began rolling down my face.  Dr. P told us our baby was measuring PERFECTLY on track at 7w3d.  The heartbeat was ferocious at 164 bpm (P better watch out, it's going to be a fiery one just like me!)  Then they turned on the sound so we could hear the heartbeat and it was the most incredible sound I have ever heard.  A sound we have waited 21 long months for.  A sound we were afraid we might never hear. 

She printed out some pictures for us to take home and gave us two of the biggest hugs.  I told her how grateful I was for both her and the clinic.  There were so many things that could have gone wrong.  Had she not had me in for monitoring so early, the whole cycle could have been a bust.  Had we only transferred one, we might have seen an empty uterus.  But, because of her and my awesome clinic we have our first perfect little baby growing inside of me.   

A few hours later I put a call into my OBGYN who said they would schedule me for a nurse's appt. but there would be no ultrasound.  I wouldn't be having another one until the NT scan at 12 weeks, and that just didn't work for me.  So, of course I got right on the phone with Dr. P's office who scheduled me for one more ultrasound, just for peace of mind, on September 26th, we will be 9w1d at that point.  We are so happy we get to see Dr. P one last time!  And thrilled we get to have another look at our little one.

Our due date is April 30th.  And I think it's a girl!

Every time I pick up the picture (which is very often) I feel like I am looking at so much more than a little baby.  The hell our marriage has endured, the doctors visits, all the tests, the anger, resentment, and sadness.  And I realize it was all worth it.  The thought of going through it again makes me sick to my stomach, but after seeing the ultrasound picture, we would do it all again...in a heartbeat