Come On!

Ever feel like the universe is playing a terrible joke on you?  That is kind of the place I am in right now.

A few nights ago I met a few old friends from Grad School for dinner at PF Changs.  It was so good to catch up.  One of the weddings we went to a few weeks ago was for one of the girls I went to dinner with.  At the end of the night we were handed fortune cookies.  One of my friends had to get home to her two little ones, so there were three of us left, they let me pick first, although looking back, it clearly wasn't a good idea!

E's fortune said something like, "Every page turned gives you a wealth of  knowledge learned."

T's fortune said, "You will recieve a special gift soon."  That SO should have been mine!

And then there was mine, "A crab wonton a day keeps the doctor away."  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, neither did my friends!  Crab wonton?  I don't even know what the heck that is.  COME ON!

As I am sure some of you can tell I haven't been the most positive person lately.  I am not this down in the dumps in real life, I promise, most people can't even tell that I am going through this, but I created this blog so I could be honest with myself.  Even if the honest me isn't always upbeat.

This last cycle of waiting is slowly sucking the life out of me.  I so wish we could have started the Lupron this cycle.  I am tired of waiting, and my patience has just about run out...I can't seem to get out of my own way and I am not the most pleasant person to be around (that's putting it nicely.)

Our stressful summer is almost upon us.  I wish I could be one of those people that could just enjoy every second like so many advise me to.  But, the truth is, I am preparing for one of the biggest moments in my life!  In August we will either be exploding with excitement or drowning in loss.  How can you enjoy the moments leading up to that?  How can you just let things happen?  I am a control freak, it is just NOT possible.  Last cycle I actually did a good job of it, this cycle, maybe because I feel us getting closer, I am doing a HORRIBLE job of it!

Like I have said many times, this summer is going to be chaotic.  I get out of school on Thursday, the 21st, the following week I am at workshops, and then I start teaching summer school.  We also have three weddings.  We will be busy to say the least, I guess that will be a good thing. 

But, then everything will come to a screeching HALT the second week in August.  Summer school will be over on the 9th, IVF will be over, and P and I were hoping to get away for a week toward the end of August because whether IVF ends in a positive or a negative we are going to have to somehow regroup.  So, what do you think I got in the mail today?  A notice for Jury Duty, of course!  Of all times for it to show up, why not then?  So, I checked the date, and low and behold, August 20th.  COME ON! I know, I know, maybe it will get cancelled.  But, maybe it won't.  Probably 7 or 8 years ago I received the same notice in the mail and not only did the case go to court, I was selected as a juror!  I was looking on the form to see if there was a way to get out of it, postpone it even, but something tells me "vacation after IVF" doesn't count as a hardship. 

There, I am done.  I feel better already.  Thanks for listening to me complain.  I am on cd12, and although we are once again giving it our best shot, I can't WAIT for this cycle to be over!  If I am this crazy without drugs, imagine what I will be like when I start the Lupron.  Good thing there isn't a baby yet, P might find that he sleeps better in the guest room come July!

Have a good night everyone!