One Down, One More to Go, But Not Without a Little Excitement

Sunday (written yesterday)

I am on cd 26 which is SUPER early for me to get my period (well I guess now it is cd 1.)  This afternoon I began to feel a little crampy.  I went to the bathroom and noticed I had some brown spotting.  That never happens to me.  I am sure you can see where this is going.  For 5 seconds I thought "Oh my god, this must be implantation bleeding, I must be pregnant!"  For 5 seconds I thought "Oh my god I am going to be one of those girls that gets pregnant before her first IVF cycle!"  And those 5 seconds were the happiest I have been since heading down this winding road.

I calmed myself down and of course ran out to the store to get pregnancy tests.  I anxiously peed on one, set the timer for 3 minutes, then went back and checked and it was stark white.  In the back of my head I knew there was just about no chance, we were only given a 2-3% chance each month to begin with, add sickness into the equation and I am pretty sure our chances were about 0.5%.  But, a girl can still hope and boy did I feel a little bit of hope! 

Anyways, a few hours later my cramps were worse and the brown turned to red.  I got my period.  After only a 25 day cycle, I got my period.  I will NEVER EVER not temp again.  Had I temped we could have avoided the stress over when I ovulated and we also could have avoided the 5 seconds that I thought I was pregnant.  Tomorrow morning I will begin temping again.  Tomorrow morning I will regain some control again.   


Monday

I called my RE just to let them know I am on my last natural cycle and get some estimated dates.  Assuming I get my next period around June 15/16/17 I will begin Lupron end of first week in July.  The IVF coordinator told me I will be on Lupron for 10-14 days before beginning the Gonal-f depending on how my baselines go and then we will be off.  As it gets closer I will go into a lot more detail, but for now it isn't really necessary. 

If it weren't for the huge threat of OHSS I don't think I would have any reservations.  The shots don't bother me anymore and I am no longer afraid of the "wand" haha.  But the fear of OHSS will keep me up at night as it gets closer.  I know everyone says it is rare, but when your RE tells you be ready for some form of it, it is a little scary.  I know I shouldn't be thinking about that yet, and for the most part I don't, but every once in a while I can feel my heart start to race over the thought of it.  I have read people's blogs who have ended up in the hospital for days w/ it because their abdomen needed to be drained YUCK.  Like I said, I always hope for the best, plan for the worst. 

I just have to keep telling myself it will be worth it in the end.  I have to keep reminding myself what those 5 seconds of thinking I was pregnant, felt like.  Because I want those 5 seconds back, and I want them to last 40 weeks.  I want a baby.  We so desperately want a baby.