Just Another Day (Without the Paradise)

Today is cd 20, no signs of ovulation.  My monitor has remained at high since cd 8.  It should have gone to peak about 8-10 days ago and then I should have ovulated.  Didn't happen.  Temping is usually my "go-to" method but being sick and having a fever has made that nearly impssible. 

We put off our IVF until July because of other commitments assuming I would have 2 regular (30-31 day) cycles.  I don't know why I assume anything anymore, how have I not realized that nothing is going to work the way it is supposed to!  Since going on the Bromocriptine I have had a 30 day cycle and a 31 day cycle, last cycle was only 26 days, but that is because of the injections/IUI. 

So, I got right on the phone this morning with my REs office and heard back from the nurse around 10.  I explained what was going on and how I would like to go in tomorrow before work for a progesterone check to see if I ovulated and just didn't notice (which is highly unlikely) or if I have in fact not ovulated yet, they of course also have to do a beta test and I just cringe at the sound of that word.  I know I am not pregnant, you don't have to tell me in that sympathetic voice, it is just being done as a formality.  Oh well.

If I ovulated than that is great, no issues, just me doing a crappy job of tracking everything, and my monitor sucking big time.

If my gut is right and I haven't ovulated yet I am concerned my prolactin has gone up again, which of course can't be tested accurately until cd 3 of my next period!  I brought up the fact that I have been sick for a solid week and fighting off a slight fever the past few days, and she said the most that would effect a cycle is by one or two days, which I think I had read somewhere too.

She also told me that I seemed to have a really good grasp of my body and everything that was going on with it and to continue to advocate for myself (high-five me, when do we ever get a pat on the back for being obsessive haha!)  She told me that if I get the call tomorrow afternoon and it is found I didn't ovulate to make sure the nurse mentions Provera to me which would cause a withdrawal bleed and end my cycle.  We both agreed going through another 50+ day cycle like in January/February would be detrimental in SO many ways. 

P and I will have to talk tomorrow night and decide what to do about IVF and whether to forgo sitting out another cycle.  It will all depend on my bloodwork and what we do from here on out to get this cycle moving. 

I can't help but notice the energy I get after talking to someone at my REs office.  Although the break from everything has been nice, I feel like I have this sick and twisted need to be in contact with them all the time.  It makes me feel like there is a plan, like I am doing something, like I have some control...even though I know I have absolutely none.