So, I decided I should get some gifts for my friend's baby shower which is this weekend. I had actually already bought a few cute Carter's outfits a few months ago and planned to give them to her then but then life got in the way as she continued to grow a baby inside of her and I continued to not, so it's been a little while since I have seen her. In those few months these tiny outfits gradually made their way to our guest room closet, hanging up all by themselves. I showed them to P a few days ago and asked him if I should give them to her, surprisingly he said no, he liked them in our closet (poor P he has no idea how long they could be in there!)
Because those cute outfits are going to stay in the closet I had to go to Babies R' Us <insert face>. I really hope I can find some other places to register, I know potterybarn kids and Giggle are an inconvenience to some, but come on...Babies R' Us is a nightmare. The aisle numbers make no sense, the registry items are all over the place and I found the pregnant mothers in there to be so much younger than me!! It made me feel old, which made me feel sad. I feel like I have aged tremendously in this past year and a half (almost!)
It also made me realize I need to begin accepting some things...
I need to accept that I probably will not have a child before I am 30 (may seem silly to some, but if I don't get pregnant in these next 2 months, this becomes a reality and it scares me)
I need to accept that I cannot control what happens here on out, and that this IUI may not work, all I can do is follow my doctor's plans, hope for the best, and take care of my body.
I need to accept that every day is going to be an uphill battle and that is okay, because I will survive this.
I need to accept that this is going to put a strain on my relationships (including the one with P) and it is ok, most would even say it is normal.
I need to accept that unless I am talking to someone who has been through this, they are not going to understand what we are going through and are probably going to say things at times that make me sad and/or angry (not because they don't care but because that's just the way it is)
I need to accept that while I am going through a crummy part of my life right now, life goes on for everyone else.
I need to accept that some people will announce they are pregnant with their second baby before we will ever announce we are pregnant with our first. My mom tells me it will make it that much more special for us (I think those are just words from a nana in waiting!)
I also need to accept that this plan our doctor has for us doesn't include just 1 injection, it includes lots of injections so I have to do it again tonight, and the next night, and the next night....YIKES!!! I think tonight I will just work on accepting that, everything else can wait until tomorrow :)
I cannot stand any of the Babies or Toys R Us stores! The disorganization, small aisles, crazy kids running around drives me INSANE! This is one part of IF that makes me so mad, all the things we have to accept before we can even have a baby while some people just have to accept the fact that they are having one. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteOf your list, the hardest one for me is accepting that others don't understand unless they have been there. Although I have a good friend who had multiple miscarriages because of a blood clotting disorder, and even she doesn't understand what it feels like to get a BFN month after month. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes either! I have lost one baby and can't imagine losing 3...Thinking of you and hoping these things do become easier for you to accept!
ReplyDeleteAh, Babies R Us...I was in a half BRU half ToysRU store in Canada and I about had a panic attack!
ReplyDeleteI think you making that list says a lot. I still haven't fully accepted some of those things, so don't feel bad if they come slowly. You are doing a great job holding strong against the current!
Babies R Us is confusing. I try to never go there, but if I have to, bringing someone with experience helps.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really great list. Meeting yourself where you are and accepting the things that come your way can be so hard, but ultimately it's so important. As you said, you will survive this.
Babies R Us really is a nightmare. If I have to go in there, I literally run through, grab an item from the registry and hightale it out. Good for you for getting in there at all - ordering online and shipping is always an option.
ReplyDeleteAccpetance is something we all have to go through. It can be very hard to accept the things that we never should have to accept in the first place. It's tricky and painful, but we'll hopefully come out stronger in the end for it.
Babies R Us bites! I won't go in to one of those stores. I usually go to a boutique instead, or TJ Maxx and pick something out away from all the baby crazy.
ReplyDeleteYour path to acceptance sounds like a really good plan to me. Accept the things you can't change, but don't accept the 'plan' that infertility has laid out for you. :)
this is such a good post. I like the one about accepting that people who aren't going through infertility probably aren't going to say the right things and its because they just don't know. I also really like just excepting that this is a hard phase of life right now. I was thinking a lot about trials/struggles the other day and how a lot of them don't really end (like losing a loved one) but that the struggle to get pregnant will end (hopefully!) with a baby and this whole thing will just be a small part of our journey. I hope that this round of fertility works for you, but that if it doesn't that you have people around you to support, love and encourage you.
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