Ramblings

This has been the longest I have gone without posting in the 2 months since I started blogging.  I don't really know the exact reason why I haven't felt the need to, but it could be the millions of thoughts I have swirling around in my head.

Emotionally and mentally I am doing pretty well.  Physically, it hasn't been the greatest few days.  I came down with a horrible case of nausea and stomach "issues" on Monday night, to the point that P made me call the nurse and I had to sleep on the couch and take Tuesday off as well.  I am getting used to the suppositories but they're not my favorite, this is usually how it goes...wake up with cramping, take my prenatals...go to bed with lots of  bloating, take my bromocriptine, and progesterone suppositories, get up and repeat. 


P and I may or may not decide to move forward with another IUI next month.  Crazy, we spent the last 16 months waiting for this IUI and now we both are left wondering what to do.  I really want to sit down/have a phone conversation with my RE. 


After I went in for my baselines on cd 3 and was told to go ahead with the injections, they said they didn't want to see me until cd8.  I remember calling P and saying I thought that was very strange since we had no idea how my body would react.  Especially since I had responded so extremely well to only 50 mg of Clomid.  But, what do I know?


I was also a high-risk candidate for OHSS which I have been petrified about since Monday.  Because my estradiol was 2300 on cd9 and I had so many follicles in the small/medium size as well as the 3-4 mature ones, its the perfect storm for OHSS.


To be honest, whether this cycle works or not I am so looking forward to it being over...and I am pretty sure it is not going to work.  I have been doing research and because I was only on the stims for 6 days before I did the trigger, even though I had 3-4 follicles that appeared to mature, the quality of the eggs is most likely to be poor.  I am almost positive I ovulated sometime Sunday (my BBT skyrocketed Monday morning and has remained up for the last 6 days) and I think the on-call doctor realized what was happening, and had me come in early Monday for the insemination to try and catch the last few hours of "good eggs."  He had me to trigger Sunday afternoon after bloodwork had already picked up the surge that morning.  Couple that with only 8 million motile sperm and we are once again not a good recipe for making a baby.

I would be okay with all of this if I thought my clinic did the best job they could monitoring me, but I don't think they did.  Don't get me wrong, everyone there has been wonderful, and great to work with, but that doesn't make up for everything.  I totally get that each person responds differently to the meds, I just think with my history I should have been in earlier. 

I remember Satuday night (cd 8 after my estradiol came back at 1300) giving myself the lower dose of gonal-f, wondering if I should even give it at all.  I also remember moments before I gave myself the trigger shot on Sunday thinking, maybe this isn't a good idea.  I need to learn to trust my gut more.  Maybe my cycle should have just been cancelled.  But, at the time, P and I had no idea what to do.  So, we plunged ahead.

I am also having a hard time getting the scene of the insemination out of my head.  Hearing the nurse tell me she has tried 5 different types of catheters (some with hooks, bumps, curves) and can't seem to get any to work.  Hearing the doctor ask to the nurse to get a thicker catheter from the other room.  Holding my knees up by my chest to try and make the angles better.  It was pretty traumatizing, definitely not the 3 minute procedure I was expecting.  But, again, it's over and I am pretty amazed at how resilient the mind and body are.


I am currently 5dpiui and just (while I am writing this haha) tested the HCG out of my system using a pregnancy test.  Lots of people say it can take up to 7-10 days for it to leave your body, but I did an Ovidrel trigger 250 ug, and I guess that can leave your system in as early as 4-5 days.  I tested two days ago, and it was still there.  So, if in a week I get two lines I will know it is not from the HCG trigger, but the HCG my body is producing meaning I would be pregnant. 


It is getting warmer in New England and April vacation is here.  I am going to try my best to relax and enjoy.  Our ride is not over yet, and I am going to try and enjoy every turn from here on out (as much as I can!)    We are on our way to my friend's wedding, it is beautiful outside and I just got an awesome dress that I am psyched to wear.  If I can't feel good, the least I can do is try to look good!


Even though I haven't been commenting as much lately, I am quietly lurking and have been silently rooting all of you on :)