Monday, July 8, 2013

First Few Weeks with a Newborn

H is almost 3 months!! Where has the time gone...I should have written this post a long time ago but I just haven't sat down to do it until now.

Getting pregnant was not easy, my pregnancy was not easy, and although it only took 20 minutes to push H out, the actual childbirth experience wasn't easy so I am not sure why I expected the first few weeks at home to be any different!

The first two weeks were hard.  REALLY HARD.  Breastfeeding was not working, the only time she would latch was when I had someone else to help me (lactation consultant.)  And that was extremely frustrating.  I was in a lot of pain dealing with recovery from my third degree tear and my emotions were ALL over the place.  I did not immediately fall in love with H.  I loved her, but it wasn't what I expected.  I waited all of 7 days before I realized I was not okay and I reached out to my doctor.  She saw me quickly and agreed that it would be best for my to go on meds for a few months just to try and balance me out.  Within a week after starting the meds and also coming to the decision that breastfeeding just wasn't working, I felt like a new person.

There is a big push to breastfeed, I did lots of research and I know the benefits and although I really wanted it to work, between her being tongue tied, battling depression, and having to pump every 2-3 hours 24 hours a day I just couldn't do it.  For a day or two I felt selfish and then I realized it was the best decision I could have ever made.  Both my husband and family were extremely supportive and H took to the Newborn Enfamil really well.  AND, I was FINALLY bonding with my little girl.

What I have realized over these last few months is that important decisions like this are really no one else's business.  What works for one family may or may not work for another, and that is OK.  There is also nothing wrong with asking for help.  I feel like I am a better mom because of those hard decisions I had to make so early on.

After getting past those first few weeks I have been head over heels in love with this little girl.  I literally cannot get enough of her.  She looks and acts very similarly to me and I just love it.  She goes from calm to screaming her head off in 2 seconds when she is hungry or has had enough of something.  She is full of smiles and all sorts of different expressions, even a few giggles here and there.  This last week she has started to sleep through the night.  Last night she went down at 7:30 pm, got up for a feed at 4:30 in the morning and then back down until 7 am.

There is so much more I want to say but the thoughts don't flow as easily as they used to now that my mind is occupied 120% of the time with H haha!

I am completely ECSTATIC for all of the women who have had babies over these past few months and although I don't post/comment much, I love all the pictures.  Those of you still in the trenches, my heart breaks for you...I will never understand why something that can bring people so much love can sometimes be so difficult to obtain.

One last thing...the feelings about my infertility have not gone away.  Some of my friends are beginning to announce they are pregnant with their second and I cannot help but feel a little sad.  I don't know what the future holds for P and me, and future children.  I do know we have one frozen embryo and we have decided to continue to keep it frozen until we are ready to try again.  But, if that doesn't work, I guess we will try IVF again.  The thought of putting us through that again overwhelms me, but we got Harper out of it the first time and I would do it all over again to have her...in a heartbeat





14 comments:

  1. She is so gorgeous!!! My little Ellen wore the same miss independent shirt for the 4th. I appreciate your addressing the expectations piece. It is so hard to deal with all of those as a new parent. I hope things continue to go well for you and miss Harper!!!

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  2. Oh my gosh...she is so adorable! Good for you for doing what's best for you and your family!

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  3. Awwww she's precious! So happy you've made decisions that are best for you guys, that's what's important!

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  4. I just had the conversation with my friend tonight as I was visiting her, her husband and their new baby who was 5 weeks early about not comparing and what works for one may not work for another and that regardless she is a great mother. Ah I just love all these pictures! Reagan and Harper sound so much alike, too bad we can't have a play date!

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  5. Sleeping through the night is HUGE! Everything gets better when you can sleep. :)

    She is awfully cute and looks a lot like her momma.

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  6. Cutie pie! Glad to hear from you!

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  7. Your daughter is precious and you look amazing! I'm so glad that you're doing what works for you. I think we often feel guilt because we're not doing things "the right way" when the right way is what's best for YOU and YOUR baby, not anyone else's baby. That's definitely a hard lesson to learn. My neice is five months older than Daniel and my SIL and I are completely different parents. It's hard because we share grandparents (obviously) who don't parent the same way I do. I guess it's all part of being a mom!

    xoxo

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  8. She's so beautiful!!!! She looks just like you. I know what you mean about be the latching and pumping. It's such a pain in the ass. I've been doing exclusively pumping for the last six weeks. He was born early so he had to spend two weeks in the NICU, which did not help at all in the latching department. There are days when I'm so over it, and don't blame you one bit for putting her on formula. There is still a chance he may latch, so I'm still pumping in hopes that that will happen, but if it doesn't, it doesn't. Breastfeeding is very difficult, and I wish more women would admit it. Good for you guys for doing what is best, and not listening to all what you should do, but what is best for you and your baby!!!!! Congrats again!!!!

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  9. AHHHHH!!!!! She's so cute! I love her name - Harper. It's always been on my short list.

    Thank you for your sweet comment. It's been quite a journey lately but I'm holding up like a champ. I am impressing myself with how positive I've managed to stay. Stories like yours gives me hope.

    XOXO

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  10. I'm so happy for you! What a lovely little lady you have. I have to say, I went through all the things you are describing. I was depressed, BF'ing was horrible and pumping...I can't believe I did it for over three months. We have to make the right decisions for our own happiness no matter the pressure. I sure felt it! Keep posting those pics, we want to continue to see these miracle babies!

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  11. Beautiful pictures! You are so right about figuring out what is right for your family and your situation. And it really isn't anyone else's business. I've learned that it is easy to say one thing or another is "best" but it can only truly be beneficial if it is working for you. And if it's not, then you aren't really benefiting. In your case, it sounds like you were able to move on and bond so much better when you weren't trying to fight the breastfeeding battle. You have to do what your guy tells you is right!

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  12. She looks so much like you! What a beautiful little girl you have.

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  13. Hi! I've followed you for a while through another blog - I have a 3 month old as well. I also really struggled with breast feeding. I was bleeding and in so much pain, so started pumping but that became so, so hard once I started being on my own with him. I'd get started and he'd start crying. I started nursing again and the bleeding started again. My supply was not great and I was worried about his growth. Once I switched to formula, I started to really enjoy him and no longer dreaded feeding! I definitely think breast feeding is the ideal, but my pediatrician kept telling me that a sane mom was more important than a breastfed baby. She also said the recommendations were actually aimed more for 3rd world countries and we have a great water supply and really good formulas in the US. I still feel guilty at times and am a little jealous of those who it came more easily to.
    Anyway, your daughter is just beautiful and I am so envious of her sleeping!

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  14. It's really hard to give up on breastfeeding. I had to give up too, and felt awful about it at first. But, then it made a world of difference, and it sounds like it did for you too. And your daughter is obviously doing very well. She needs a healthy mom more than breast milk. Good for you for making such good decisions for your entire family.

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