Here We Go Again

I have been gone so long, I know.  I really don't have an excuse.  I am on blogger at least once, sometimes multiple times a day.  I love seeing how all the babies are growing and continue to find interest in the blogs I read of those going through treatment.  It's just strange.  I am in a different place.  I desperately want a second baby.  I want H to be a big sister, but I knew as soon as I actively started blogging again it would mean treatment again and for so long I just wanted to avoid it.

And now, it is time for us to get back on the horse.

H will be 2 in April.  2...I cannot even believe it!  We had an amazing summer together and words can't express how tough it was to go back to teaching in September.  My saving grace was dreams of a second child and knowing that another long maternity break would hopefully be on the horizon.

Well, those dreams are continuing to be just dreams for now!  I cannot even remember how many months we tried on our own, I want to guess 6, probably more?  My RE recommended we see her at H's one year birthday.  So, we went in and sat down with her this past April.  Unfortunately it would be our last appt with her because she switched clinics in May.  She was AMAZING and I was really sad to see her go.

Her recommendation was for us to move forward with the frozen transfer (we had one frozen embryo from our first IVF.)  We spent the summer continuing to try on our own and getting all the tests done again for insurance.  It's amazing how all that testing that once seemed overwhelming was a piece of cake this time around.

Some of my bloodwork came back a little wonky so we had to go back and forth with insurance a bit before they would agree to cover us for the frozen but we eventually got the okay in November.  It was a disaster from the start hah!  I can laugh about it now, but it wasn't all that funny when we were going through it.  I got a little bit of a late start with the estrace tables.  I started out 3x/day orally and after some bloodwork and u/s I had to also start taking 3x/day vaginally.  When we got the all clear I started the PIO shots which I had read so many horror stories about and to be totally honest I really didn't think they were that bad.  I recommend icing the area about 1-2 min before the actual shot, heating up the syringe in a heating pad, heating your bum immediately after, and while getting the shot, putting your weight on the opposite leg.  I definitely had a little soreness, but no knots and it was very manageable.  In the middle of all this I got diagnosed with strep throat, put on antibiotics, and then had a reaction to the antibiotics and had to go on prednisone!

The transfer went perfect, but 10 days later, the b/w showed a beta of 0.  Nothing.  No baby.  I wasn't surprised.  My doctor told me the chances of this working were low, but I just felt like it was a good warm-up for IVF, and I wanted to get through the holidays without having to deal with an egg retrieval.

I was sad, cried for a bit, and then tried to turn all my attention to getting everything lined up for IVF #2.  So, that is where we are.  I am currently on cycle day 24.  Waiting for my period.  This round my new doctor is switching things up a bit, because I respond so ridiculously well to the stimulating drugs, he is having me start on bcp which I didn't do last time.  Otherwise, it's the same.  Lupron, Gonal-f, HCG trigger, crinone...wait and pray.

We should have the retrieval end of February if everything goes well, and know by mid-March whether or not it worked.

It's really strange going through it again.  Last time I had all summer to dedicate to IVF, I wasn't working, I was doing acupuncture, trying to focus all my attention on having a baby.  This time around I am working full-time, have a toddler, and am just dreading another egg retrieval.  I know if this doesn't work I am going to blame myself for not being all-in.  So, I am going to really try for these next 8 weeks to be all in because I DO NOT want to have to go through this again.  But, it's really hard because as we all know...life goes on