Thursday, April 16, 2015

Strange Place

I am all over the place lately.

I want to blog.  I sit down over and over again to write, and then I stop.

I am in a very strange place.

I am officially pregnant.  Today, marks 7w, 4d.  For a while I wasn't blogging because I was TERRIFIED of twins.  Crazy, I know, because I only put one embryo back in, but my betas were insane.  My nurse actually confirmed with me that we only put one back in on two different phone calls.

12dp3dt Beta #1: 378

14dp3dt Beta #2: 750 (48 hours doubling)

21dp3dt Beta #3: 9,676 (46 hours doubling)

Of course I took to the internet, even though I have been through all this before, and everything I saw said my numbers were outrageously high and I just kept thinking oh my goodness, what if that embryo split.  Needless to say, I didn't want to appear ungrateful to anyone in this community so I kept quiet.

We had our first ultrasound appointment on Monday afternoon.  Not only was there a strong heartbeat, but he/she was measuring exactly on track: 7w1d.  The doctor was ecstatic and said something like, "Bet you're glad you only put one back in!"

P and I still cannot believe it.  Even my doctor couldn't believe it.  Before we left our appointment, he gave us a summary of our cycle: 2 eggs fertilized, 1 embryo transferred, 0 made it to freeze.  Craziness...

Then, a little sadness set in.  Don't get me wrong, I know exactly how lucky we are to go through two fresh cycles and have two pregnancies.  But, having zero make it to freeze pretty much solidified that there will be no more babies for us.  I am not going through another round of IVF.  Feels as though we would be testing the limits, pushing our luck.  Even more strange to think (as long as this pregnancy continues on to a healthy little baby) that both of my children will be conceived via IVF.

I have been trying to compare my two cycles to find some similarities as to why they both worked and to be honest there are just about none.  I did acupuncture both times, drank lots of protein shakes, and did not go on ANY bed rest.  The night of my first transfer back in 2012 I went to a wedding that night.  I returned to work the day after my most recent transfer.  Those are about the only things similar, besides that the cycles could not have been more different.

Next week H turns 2.  My little baby who has brought me so much joy is no longer a baby.  I think she is going to be an amazing sister.  The age gap between her and her sister/brother will be the exact different between my brother and me.  Still doesn't seem real...another baby is on the way.