I haven't been myself lately. I haven't cried in weeks, maybe even months. It is not that I am typically a crier, more that I have very strong feelings and I do not hide them very well. I can remember in the Fall last year where there were a few instances where P would find me sobbing hysterically in the bathroom. Althought I was not at my best during those moments at least I knew I was feeling something. I went into the shower today just to try and make myself cry, and I couldn't get even one tear, so after about 5 minutes I realized how stupid it was and quickly got out!
Sunday is my day to grocery shop. So, I got in the car and headed to Stop & Shop and Target blasting my new Coldplay cd. It was then that I began to get a little teary eyed, I am not sure what set me off but I think it had to do with a facebook message I read yesterday that I began to think about. I got a friend request from one of my student's parents a few weeks ago and was hesitant to accept. I never become friends with paernts until their child is out of my classroom. But, for some reason I decided to accept her request, I had her oldest son about four years ago and now have her youngest daughter. After accepting I never thought twice about it.
Then, yesterday when I was on facebook checking my inbox I noticed a message from her dated Jan. 28th that I had somehow never noticed before. It was just a few lines, something like, M has told me you have been out a few times and how much she misses you when you are gone, hope everything is okay and please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Just a few simple words that I replayed over in my head in the car on my way to Target and it brought tears to my eyes. We sometimes forget how much people care about us. It is so easy to be angry, frustrated, and sad that it is sometimes nice to remind yourself that you will be okay, and you will get through this.
I finally realized why this week has been so crappy. I miss my job. That is one of the few things right now I can count on to make me feel good. I enjoy just about everyday I spend with my 22 little monsters no matter how much they drive me crazy. They need me, and that is a good feeling. And they need me to be strong EVERY DAY. But, I am now coming to the conclusion that I need them just as much! For those 7 hours a day, my life is just the way I had planned. A first grade teacher, adorable little students, pictures of my wedding on my desk...
I hope I can find myself again this week, I am pretty sure P misses me!
I am by no means a crier either but sometimes a good cry puts everything into perspective. Matt says he misses the normal me too and then I find myself and things feel normal again until my hormones come back into play. Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteThere is something so healing about a good cry! I am not a crier either but I often watch a sad movie purposely to get a good cry. Hormones!!!!!!!
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