Line in the sand...

I find myself asking the same question over and over again, "how did this happen, why can so many others get pregnant with only a few months of trying, and we have done EVERYTHING right from the beginning and still come up empty?"  I don't say it out of jealousy or anger, I say it out of sadness and frustration.  I have a wonderful husband, the best little pup, and we have the support of 2 great families and a few very close friends aware of our struggle; I wouldn't trade any of that.  BUT, I continue to wonder why?  I have been clinging to blogs lately to remind myself that there are many others out there that have been doing this for so much longer than P and me and wonder how they find the strength.  What I am realizing is you don't have a choice, you don't always have to be strong, but you have to keep trying.  If you want it bad enough there is nothing you will not do to get it.

When we first began TTC I remember going through it with a few friends.  We would share our BFN stories and decide how we were going to assure pregnancy the following month.  Then all of a sudden there was no one left to plan with because everyone around me had either announced they were pregnant or already gave birth!  How did that happen so fast?  Now, I find myself with almost no one to talk to because until you go through "it" you don't understand it, you CAN'T possibly understand it, so it is better to just not talk about it at all.  This year many people have approached me at work and commented on how tired I look and checking in to see if everything was ok because I have spent most of the school year just going through the motions, surviving.  To most I reply, I have a lot going on in my personal life and teaching is exhuasting.  To a few, I give them a little peek into what has been going on.  The problem is once you begin talking about it people continue to ask and somedays I just don't want to talk about it.  I don't want people to feel bad or look at me with sadness in their eyes, I just want them to be there for support. 

I am 6 dpo and with only 4 days until another visit with our RE I am crossing my fingers that maybe that 2-3% chance we were given of conceiving on our own was boosted with the Bromocriptine and maybe just MAYBE this will be the month!