So spending 48 hours sick to the point where I couldn't pick my head up except to crawl to the bathroom put some things into perspective for me. As much as being sick absolutely sucked it also reminded me how lucky P and I are to be healthy. This morning I finally woke up able to walk around the house, smell food without having an overwhelming sense of nausea and have enough energy to make it to work. It felt so great just to get in the shower and take Sage for a walk. Of course this feeling won't last long and I will be back to being sad about everything we are going through. But, for right now I am thankful to be healthy and aside from a daily dose of bromocriptine, I am so grateful to not yet be pumping myself with meds.
I am hoping we still have a chance this month, crossing my fingers P doesn't get what I had. I actually tossed and turned all last night worried he would get it and then there would really be no chance, but so far so good.
We are currently on cd12 and my meds will arrive in a little less than 2 weeks. I was so excited when I first learned of these next steps and now I find myself with such mixed feelings. I remember telling my mom with disappointment we werent going straight to IVF and we had decided to try IUI first. But now I don't know if I am ready for any of this this. I don't know if P is ready for this. I hope all these feelings are normal. Can you ever really be ready for this? Daily shots, a trigger shot, using suppositories, what the heck?? This is a world I never thought I would become a part of. What if I don't want to give my body over to all of this? Being sick these past few days made me realize how wonderful I feel when I am healthy. I am nervous about the side effects both mentally and physically. I am worried I won't be able to give myself the shots correctly. And, yes, I am scared it is all going to hurt. Like I said before, I consider myself a pretty strong person, but when it comes to shots and needles I am as wimpy as they come...I guess that is going to have to change!
At least it's Friday and Spring is coming, everything always shines a little bit brighter in the sun.
I'm glad you're feeling better.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand your worries about the negative aspects of treatment. After all, the drugs aren't a joke. But I've learned that the worst part really is the anxiety leading up to treatment. Everything I imaged was actually not as bad as I thought it would be (including IVF).
Hang in there and I hope this next cycle is the one for you!
I'm so glad you're feeling better! I think your worries are completely normal. You are not alone in feeling like you do. I numbed myself with ice before my first shot, just because I was nervous about J giving it to me, not the needle part. After the first one, I was all "ok, I can do this." You can do this, friend!!
ReplyDeleteI didn't know how to get a hold of you for a private email- so please forgive my busting in on your comments. This link should help you set up add'l pages on your blogger site. http://support.google.com/blogger/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=165955 If it still doesn't make sense, let me know and I can see if I can help you more. Have a great weekend hun!
ReplyDeletehttp://submerged.blogspot.com/
Just catching up on your blog now, but I felt like I needed to give you some reassurance. I've done 9 cycles with Progesterone suppositories, 4 cycles on Gonal-F, 3 trigger shots, and 2 IUIs- so I feel like I'm on solid ground when I tell you that none of it is as bad as it seems. You'll acclimate to the shots quite fast- promise! I am the BIGGEST baby with needles [cover my face when I see them on TV, have passed out multiple times when getting blood taken, etc] so I was a basket case when I learned I had to give myself injections. And you know what? I can do it in airplane bathrooms and in the car now. I used to have my husband do it but quickly learned that it's virtually painless if I do it myself and much less stressful (even though he was quite good at it). The Gonal pen makes everything a breeze. It does get a bit more tricky when you have to mix your own though I'm guessing you won't have to do that. Deep breaths and think of the prize at the end. If you need any other pointers- please don't hesitate to reach out!
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